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You fall for someone this week who reminds you of a lover from the past. Je ne sais quoi? C’est impossible to go back in time and experience that same frisson, but your interest in this person seems karmic and fated. Your romantic life reminds me of a Whittier quote: For of all sad… Read More »
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I’m looking at your planets and I get an overwhelming intuition that your desires will be met through starch consumption. So many horoscope writers ignore the fact that the moon’s trip through the 4th - 6th Houses involves the discovery of “food is love”. Who gives a s--- if they just… Read More »
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You have regressed to the age of a preschooler. I have no accurate memories of those lost years, but I can imagine it was filled with tantrums, naughty chairs, and eating poop. Try to get through the week without sticking your fingers in a electrical socket or stuffing dirt up your nose. Last one to… Read More »
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Do you have a family secret that you’re dying to solve? Cancerians all over the world will be caught up in solving family mysteries. Expect long hours in Grandma’s creaky attic blowing dust off photo albums. You open it up and there’s the picture with Aunt Busy’s head cut out. Who would do… Read More »
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Your back is up against the wall and you have to do some fast talking. I usually talk s--- when I’m in trouble, which confuses my opponent and buys me some time to think of other excuses that sound more like the truth. You on the other hand can’t talk s--- this week. People will see through your… Read More »
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I promised my Virgo Mother that I would refrain from writing little bugbears associated with her much maligned sun sign. Instead I would focus only on the lovely things about Virgo, which ends up being easy because of the friendly moon in Virgo’s horoscope this week. So expect seven days of very… Read More »
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I spoke with a member of the Libra tribe today on my cell. They were sitting on a bench in a secluded park. In our coversation they presented no strong opinions, just observations; nor were they making any future plans. They did tell me though that they were acting inert, which is the only true… Read More »
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This week you’ll be contemplating truths that others are too shallow to understand- which adds a wise-like-buddha patina to your personality. Unfortunately emotional weaklings will come out of dark places threatening to suck your new serenity dry. Don’t waste a moment with these parasites, just… Read More »
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Your zodiac totem is the centaur. An aggressive half horse half human that shoots arrows, starts wars, burns villiages, and ignores the advice of the gods. This week Sag will fight in lost causes just like the centaur race. The battle is beginning and you’re friggin’ mad. You can’t come to… Read More »
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Right now some deluded romantic is starring at you. They’re checking you out and watching you stuff a disgusting sandwich in your mouth. You’re completely oblivious to their lustful intentions. The crazy thing is that by not paying any notice, you’re actually turning on your admirer. They… Read More »
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