User post: Is it okay for your boyfriend to spend the night at his friend's house?

From the Community…

• 
  Posted by Tosyn Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:49pm PDT

  Its not healthy to be in a trustless rship. And if he wants to cheat, there's nothing u can do about it. Let him go and u work on your trust issues. he could have told you, he was going to his mom, house or something.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Tosyn Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:51pm PDT

  Also tell him to get a job and you dont expect him to drink and drive(do you?)

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by CC Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:52pm PDT

  Are you sure you really trust him? And what's the status of a designated driver, how far away, how many guys are staying over, etc.? Do you have a car you could pick him up in? Does he always not have a car, or is it temporary and he could borrow one? Maybe you should talk to him about it - do you have sleepovers with your girlfriends, and is he cool with trusting you on that? You definitely pose a thought-provoking question, I hope that things work out in your favor as you mull over all these comments! :)

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Billy Wed Jul 15, 2009 8:16pm PDT

  At least he had the courtesy to tell you what his plans were. The only thing you really need to worry about is the friend giving him a reacharound.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by John Wed Jul 15, 2009 8:39pm PDT

  maybe he's gay and wants to sleep with his friend

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Maggie Wed Jul 15, 2009 10:42pm PDT

  HELL I SAY there should b some repercaution 4 cheating!not jail that is goning 2 far i believe!!I myself have been married 4 13 yrs and if he did it 2 me omg something would b DONE!!!!THAT WOULD B 4 SURE anyways to sum up my point it just plain out sucks 2 b cheated on or 2 cheat!!!!!!!! maggie AKA[BLONDIE]

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Maggie Wed Jul 15, 2009 10:42pm PDT

  HELL I SAY there should b some repercaution 4 cheating!not jail that is goning 2 far i believe!!I myself have been married 4 13 yrs and if he did it 2 me omg something would b DONE!!!!THAT WOULD B 4 SURE anyways to sum up my point it just plain out sucks 2 b cheated on or 2 cheat!!!!!!!! maggie AKA[BLONDIE]

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by DizzyEmu Wed Jul 15, 2009 11:20pm PDT

  If his friend lives close to you (let's say under 30 mins. away) then it really doesn't make sense for him to stay over there unless they plan on doing something early the next day, like going fishing. You could always pick your man up if it's simply a matter of him not wanting to drive home under the influence. In my case, my husband stays at his friends house because he lives an hour away and I definitely wouldn't want him on the road after a long night at the bar. Also, consider any other reasons he might want to stay over. Maybe he wants more time with his friend because he doesn't see him often? It could also be a cover for cheating, but unless he's been acting suspicious in other ways too then I seriously doubt it. Only you know what you are comfortable with.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Horatio Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:50am PDT

  Okay I have to reply here and somewhat in-depth, perhaps as a reaction to the more extreme responses by the emotionally stunted women here, but also because the subject & similarities are so familiar I shook my head when I read the question! I have watched small insecurities like this fester and ruin relationships, even recently. A few examples: Not even a year ago, friends of mine had a similar start down the road to ruin--my friend and I had not hung out in almost a year despite living close, so we decided to get together one weekend and play some video games all night like we used to when we were younger. It was gonna be fun--innocent fun (not even drinking!), as if that should have had to have been explained to her. Long story short, his "old fashioned" girlfriend (part of the reason I shook my head, and why I cant buy that "ethic" is that is EXACTLY what she called it as well) proceeded to call my house at LEAST 10 times that night/morning. Not only did she put a damper on the night, she exposed herself as an insecure, immature person (not unlike some of the more extreme respondents here I might add). Am I saying youre like her, or going to react as she did if he does not come home? Of course not, but that same seed is planted in your head or you wouldnt need to ask the question, or to put it the same way his EX-girlfriend did.

  Another couple that moved from the area years ago is even more tragic, as they just had a child less than two years ago. I learned these close friends start their divorce proceedings this week and this seemingly small matter is like the seed that destroyed their relationship as well. What started as reasonable expectations by her as things became more serious eventually led to his resentment, and her frustration, over the increasing conditions she imposed on his rare nights away. Ironically his own brother went through something similar, when his wife slowly began to dictate where, when, and how his brief time with his friends would be spent. These situations may seem miles away emotionally from what you feel now, so you think they may not apply...but I assure you they all started out as you are now: allowing some undefined fear to start placing boundaries and worries where they need not be. Im really sorry if this sounds like preaching on the soapbox--watching 3 good relationships, including one this week, completely and hopelessly lost over silly insecurity & control issues has been on my chest, I dont mean this to sound harsh!

  I guess I just think that either you trust him or you dont. Even if you trust he wont cheat youre obviously still feeling insecure, and fabricating some "old fashioned ethic" as the reason is not being honest with yourself. Read again, some of the more insane & insecure posts by women who have replied to your question--do you honestly think being more passive & flexible than them makes you "more right" when your expectation is basically the same as theirs? For the love of GOD dont let women like that scare you into their nonsensical mindset. Logically, does it make more sense--or is it more "okay" as you put it--that he might want to hang out with his friends and just crash there once in a blue moon; or, since that insecurity brought you here to ask, perhaps you already realize its an unrealistic expectation that he should be home ALL the time, even when you know the alternative is just him crashing on his friends couch once in awhile? You said yourself you trust him. So trust him. I wish you the absolute best, I really hope you guys make it!!

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Deirdre R Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:20am PDT

  Heck No!!!!! Who is giving him sex... The friend or you? Nip that situation in the bud before it gets out of hand.

  Report Abuse