User post: How long would you wait for marriage?

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  Posted by SILENT KNIGHT Tue Oct 13, 2009 8:42am PDT

  Waiting is a waste of time, so I spend my time preparing and setting things in motion for tomorrow.

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  Posted by nancy Tue Oct 13, 2009 9:04am PDT

  In this days...I think both man and women are afraid of commitment. I am currently engaged and me and my fiance will be together for four years this coming december. I did have that "where are we" talk when we dating for two years. I don't think its bad when people wait a very long time to committ, but in my opinion when you know its for real, then make it happend, if not then don't waste your time waiting.

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  Posted by Katie B Tue Oct 13, 2009 9:16am PDT

  hmm... well we waited 4 years... but that's because we really had little choice... we would have been married by 2 and had planned to... but then events changed just that much... but it's ok, because we are better, stronger and more stable because of it. I always knew I was going to be married, that I had no doubts of... My mom and step-dad did it right the second time around... and with them and my grandparents and an aunt and uncle as good examples... along with some of the other pairs around me... I know it's possible and hard work to stay committed to each other, but the rewards seem to outweigh the trouble... my great-grandparents died in between their 50th and 75th... my grandparents (both sets) are still going strong.. and my mom's dad is not the easiest person to live with (or at least he wasn't)...

  I think some people it's not important and if they can make it work for them then go for it... but that's not my cup of tea... I am a very loyal person and my loyality comes with committment... but if you (or in this case my husband) aren't going to give and show me the same level of loyality and committment that I am willing to share, then why should I even bother... and I think that's where the vows come in, because it publicly announces that loyality and committment...

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  Posted by Whitneyc Tue Oct 13, 2009 9:22am PDT

  there are many levels of commitment and marrage is just one of them. to me marriage is just a piece of paper to file w/ the state.

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  Posted by Ms. Crys* Tue Oct 13, 2009 9:58am PDT

  I am 29 and tired of waiting now~ lol> In fact my last relationship ended with that "me-a-matum because I refuse to bring kids in this world and all of our names are not the same, and further more it looks kind of "sad" when you have been dating someone 6yrs and they are at all of your functions and there still isn't a ring~ GEEEZ*+ I will be 30 this year, and I a worried that old hag syndrome may come through.

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  Posted by None Tue Oct 13, 2009 10:12am PDT

  If you are good enough to live with and share and use, why not make it official so IF something happens, things are fair? I don't believe in marriage, but if I meet my soul mate hell yes, I want to be married, marriage is the ultimate committment, you are now each others truly, you have made promises & vows that are meant to be cherished and honored...its a beautiful thing with the right person, unfortunately, my soul mate can be anywhere in the world and I don't believe I will meet him in this lifetime, so I will settle for the next best thing a rich old man who will croak and leave me his money! Otherwise I'm good. I don't need anything.

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  Posted by alejandray Tue Oct 13, 2009 10:30am PDT

  some ppl do and some ppl dont. i dont know why but in my opinion a word is important and and merrige it self is important and serious. i mean why would you wanna break a promise to the one you love in front of those who love you???

  i give props to the ones who have kept their word and the ones who dont well cant say nothing to them...

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  Posted by urassismine2 Tue Oct 13, 2009 10:48am PDT

  This is the problem. Why would a person wait on someone else to consider marriage to them, when the marriage decision is already "time rated", in your own mind. Through the interview process, you knew long before now, whether this person was possibly who you'd like to conversate with a preacher, or not. You also knew how much time constraint "you would allow" for this person to show themselves to you from a character, personality, and respect stand point. You had to decide if you wanted to bear "this man's" children. You knew what the interview process entailed and had it down to a science. Then something happened! You began to cave into your own insanity, otherwise something called "irreversable love". You became as useful to your own wants, needs, and desires as a cart behind a manipulative "mule". No prodding could get this mule to budge in your direction because you were inclined to give up your own time managed frame of how long you would wait for him ask you, and "do it on his own". Keep dreaming! Eighteen months turned into three years, and then that into five years and two kids. All of this with every excuse ever written in some book located at the library of Congress, listed under "rare books"...Just a thought..Now what do you do?

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  Posted by muse72 Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:04am PDT

  I met my ex husband in 1992, married in 1993, had our child in 1994, and divorced him in September of this year after being separated since the middle of 2008. I may just be down on the whole concept of marriage right now, but I personally have no plans to marry again. I may meet the most wonderful man and will stay faithful, committed, and monogamous for the rest of our lives, but no longer see a need for actual marriage. It didn't seem to change things in the end anyway, so I just no longer think it's necessary. I think it's just up to the individuals involved.

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  Posted by kaliluna Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:58am PDT

  My husband and I dated for only 4 months before I brought up marriage, but I was feeling a lot of pressure from family to find out where our relationship was going (my aunt desperately wanted to plan my wedding). My husband, who'd been divorced recently before we started dating, was not eager to jump into another marriage. We had lots of talks about what marriage meant to each of us and what was really important. I came to the realization that I didn't need to be married to be happy, and that I wasn't going to let my family pressure me into feeling like I had to be married to have a fulfilled life. After 2 years of being together, my husband popped the question and we were married a year later. We said our vows to each other the night before the wedding, and then had a private ceremony with just our parents and a few close friends attending. We had a friend officiate and he read a nice statement about marriage and how it fit into our lives, and how it was bonding our two families together. While other people, mainly people in my family, were not happy with our wedding (although both my parents were very supportive), my husband and I look back and are glad we did things the way we wanted and let our relationship evolve at a more natural rate.

  I do have friends who have been in relationships for a few years and have decided to give their man an ultimatum. While I feel this is inappropriate (I don't think anyone should be pressured into marriage), it's just how my friends view marriage and how it fits into their lives.

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