On the radio this morning, a topic came up on whether a man who
cheats on his wife really love them? Both sides had valid
points. Guys were saying sex outside the marriage is simply a
physical thing, a release so to speak, nothing intimate about it,
no emotional connection involved, as long as you hide it well, you
should be okay.
Women were saying that if he truly loved his wife it just
wouldn't happen period no matter the lust he felt, or the
temptation thrown his way, for him to cheat on her meant he really
didn't care.
My personal opinion is yes, a man can love his wife yet get pleased
sexually elsewhere besides home. Love isn't the problem
here, respect is. I feel that once you decide to propose and
get married, you should understand the responsibilities that come
along with that, especially fighting temptation. You CHOSE to
take your relationship to the next level, she said yes with full
faith and trust in you, most women do take those vows
seriously. Though to guys sex with someone else may not mean
anything, they love their spouse to death and the last thing they
want is to lose their family, to the woman thats a pain thats very
hard to take. You didn't respect her enough to avoid the
one thing that is a sure relationship ender. Mind you, in
most cases the women find out either by the mans actions, or
someone else, the last thing you'd want is her finding out by
someone else telling her or bringing it to her attention, now not
only is she being cheated on but also humiliated because others
around her know but she doesn't. It's even worse when
you have children because it shows lack of respect for your
family life as a whole. It's like your saying you were willing
to risk all of that just for a simple relief that you could have
gotten at home. Or even worse such as in the
McNair case, the wife finding out AFTER he dies!!! How do you
get through something like that?! You can't ask why, your hurt,
angry, disappointed, here it is he's dead but your left with
the questions not just from yourself but the kids and everyone
else! How do you get through those emotions, anger, hate, love,
hurt you name it! Wow I couldn't imagine.
I always tell people simply because you love someone is
not enough of a reason to get married and start a family, both
people have to be mentally and physically prepared for such an
undertaking, it takes a great deal of maturity, compromise and
sacrifice. No relationship is easy but with the right amount
of understanding and communication it can be made less hard.
Understand that issues that you had before marriage will not go
away simply because your married, if your future husband is a
partyer flirt, etc, that will NOT go away with marriage. If
your future wife is insecure, jealous etc...that will not go away
with marriage. If two people are serious about making that
step then certain things will start to wain before hand so that
they can go into the relationship with a clear mind and work on it
together. Unfortunately that rarely happens. I
can't tell you how many weddings I've been too for friends,
families and co workers where I'm saying to myself
'goodness these people should not be getting married!' But
to each it's own, where the delusion that once you get married
all problems stop come from is beyond me lol.
So ladies I want to hear your take on this?
Guys I want to really hear your opinions as well. In fact I want to
hear how it would be taken if the shoe was on the other foot, what
would you do if you found out your wife whom never gave you an
inkling of a clue as to her 'dipping' out on you, was
cheating on you? Would you accept the it didn't mean anything
reasoning? How would you take it if it came from your friends or
peers? Would you leave or would you stay? If you stayed, how would
it affect your trust and relationship as a whole, could you still
look at her the same?
User post: Does a man who cheats on his wife really love her?
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From the Community…
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:13pm PDT
Report AbuseWhether or not a guy is "hardwired" to do something has nothing to do with it. Men ARE capable to rise above their animal drives and practice self control. Maybe for some it's a little harder, but it is possible all the same, and I believe that if they TRULY love their wives they would keep it in their pants.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:14pm PDT
Report AbuseI believe women can have meaningless loveless sex as well without being in love. That being said, I cheated on my husband many times. Whenever we would get into a fight or i had been hurting for a long time and didnt feel like my husband cared, i would go out and find me another man to escape from my reality with. Some people drink, some do drugs, some cut themselves, I used sex. I think many men can relate to this. They get tired of the nagging and the bitching, etc.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:52pm PDT
Report AbuseNo. cuz it a guy truly loves his woman he would only want to sleep with her and her only. no side long trips just to release sexual frustrations. So what if your wife is on PMS or is pregnaunt. Be faithful like she is to you. and if she isnt then just leave her.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:55pm PDT
Report AbuseI think it depends on the situation. Sometimes men and women might cheat because they're looking to fill a physical need, an emotional void, or both. I'm only in my 20's and I'm sure I will have a different answer to this 20 years from now, but I think that a person can love their significant other that they're cheating on, but the whole concept of being READY to be in a monogamous relationship is important. There may even be some people who cannot handle a monagamous relationship and shouldn't be lying to their partner that they can, let alone telling someone they want to marry them. I know guys and girls who I'm quite sure will NEVER be able to be faithful (some of them are my friends! and they are honest with their significant others...at least that's what they tell me). Myself and my BF, we're monagamous relationship people. I know that I want one man, and he wants one woman.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:01pm PDT
Report AbuseI am sorry but they do not love their wife while cheating. haha Thats a no brainer! While cheating you are not thinking about your s/o's feelings or thoughts, all you care about is "SeLF PLEASURE!" When you love your s/o you only want to make them happy or lovely for being with you. And cheating DOES NOT MAKE YOUR S/O HAPPY!! all it does is cause further problems be it:physical,mental,spiritual or whatever, your relationship balance is thrown off!
And we wonder why so many people have stds and aids!! These men are cheating on their wives and BRINGING THE TRASH HOME WITH THEM!!!So no they do not love them while they are out doing the DIRTY DEED! Now I will say that they can fall back in love with their wife after messing up. but they got to repent and ask their s/o for forgiveness..
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:06pm PDT
Report AbuseHi, I am a guy and I think a guy can very well have sex with someone else besides his wife just for the sake of sex not love. I did that myself and I ended up regretfully divorced. What happened to me was that I met a beautifull lady, I flirted (I think that she did it to me more tban I did) after three months I made love to her ( I was already married and I always loved my wife much). The problem was that even if in my mind I started out having sex for the sake of sex outside marriage, I enjoyed a lot and time passed and I continued to have sex with her. Years passed and one day I found out it was going to be very difficult to me to break up this affair, I tried to do it but I always returned to her for more sex. In the end my wife actually found out and filed a divorce. I really wish my wife would have given me a very last chance but she did not. So, at age 46, no kids I am lonely, but wiser I suppose. So, it is true a guy can have sex outside marriage without having his feelings involved, given enough time, the trap bites and one ends up caught with feelings and all.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:20pm PDT
Report AbuseI agree completely with Aj's first paragraph. I'm sorry but if my husband ever cheated on me, I would be gone. There are no second chances for that kind of behavior because I would never trust him again.
I have no talerance for cheating and I'm tired of hearing that men are wired this way and that sex means nothing to a man and that's it's only physical. If you cheat, then apparently its not the sex that means nothing to you but also your signifcant other that means nothing to you.
I think it's funny how so many men say that it's only physical that it meant nothing after they cheated but they have a cornarry if thier girlfriend or wife cheats. Hummm, I thought it meant nothing?!?! (Sorry guys, I know you are not all like this and didn't mean to make it sound that way. My husband is one of those that does NOT think this way, thank GOD).
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:26pm PDT
Report AbuseI cheated. I felt like I loved my husband while i was having an affair. I didn't feel guilty. I felt guilty for not feeling guilty but I also felt like i loved my affair. I thought about him constantly and I couldn't wait to go to work to be with him. I think the reason I was able to justify this in my mind was how much chemistry I felt towards my affair--I felt helpless...Like it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do to stop this feeling. Crazy, huh? Nowadays, I am with a different man who I am in love with. I actually avoid situations that might make me want to be alone with guys i'm attracted to--not because I think I might have sex with them, but just making out with them would cause guilt in THIS relationship. It's different this time. Why was it so easy to cheat on the man i was married to and it seems CRAZY to cheat on my now boyfriend? (no, this boyfriend was not the affair). I think it has to do with sexual attraction. I don't think I was attracted to my husband enough and that was missing from the marriage. I was young, he was stable, secure, dependable. Cheating hearts are very hard to judge. Nobody can say unless they're in the person's shoes. Now to try to answer the initial question, can you love the spouse you're cheating on?, I think you can. Now..if I got cheated on and my boyfriend said, "but I love you" it would not be good enough. I would believe him, but it just could not be understood or overcome...everyone is different...it is very subjective.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:47pm PDT
Report AbuseWhen you get married, you are devoting your life to your mate. If it is not working emotionally or physically...GET OUT!!!!! I am so sick of this "I did it for the kids" or whatever else BS excuse. If you can't keep your panties on during a marriage, with someone other than your spouse, then DO NOT get married in the first place. I have had really good times and really bad times with my hubby, but, have never even considered sleeping with someone else to satisfy my SELFISH needs. Grow up already!!
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 5:05pm PDT
Report Abusel-o-v-e- is only a four letter word the actions behind it say what he or she means. ive told my boyfriend that i trust him and unless he gives me reason not to i will go on trusting him. we have both been hurt by cheating spouses so we have talked and agreed that we would bring up this situation if the opportunities were to ever occur
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