User post: 25 and Not as "Into" Sex as I Should Be...

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  Posted by mike d Thu Nov 5, 2009 8:59am PST

  Everyone's libido is different. I don't think you should feel bad for being you. Your boyfriend sounds like he is being a little immature. Let me ask you this, if he were more loving in terms of how he approached you when he wanted some, would that make a difference? Too me, it seems like his approach w/ you is all wrong. Maybe communication on an intimate level is more of the problem, instead of your sex drive?

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  Posted by Kelly C Thu Nov 5, 2009 9:06am PST

  If it was just something that "happened" it would be better off. Asking to have sex to me is an immediate turn off. I do have to admit that I'm not really one to initiate it, so maybe I should step it up there, but I'm just not that into have sex as much as he is. I just don't know how to tell him that to make him understand what Im saying, rather than him thinking I'm not attracted to him or it being "all about me"

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  Posted by Amanda Thu Nov 5, 2009 9:11am PST

  You could talk to your doctor but I don't know what she/he will tell you. I don't have that problem so I don't really know what to tell you. I would be honest with your boyfriend. You also might do some research, watch different porns, see if maybe you have an undiscovered festish or something, i don't know...

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  Posted by mike d Thu Nov 5, 2009 9:40am PST

  When us guys are younger, sex is the only thing that we think about. Our judgement gets clouded, and being nurturing is not really at the forefront of how we view a relationship. I bet his continuous pouting over the situation only compounds the problem, and further turns you away? It would be nice if it just "happened", but there are already walls being built up, and until you two figure out how to knock them down, the situation is only going to get harder. It's tough because I think if you are honest w/ him about how his pressuring you makes you feel, you are going to further anger/upset him. There really is no easy situation for this one. You're just going to have to be honest w/ your feelings, and hope that he listens instead of sulks. If he listens, then you two can get that intimacy back, and you will probably feel more secure in the relationship, thus leading to more frequent, and better love making. The alternative isn't so good.

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  Posted by Brenda Thu Nov 5, 2009 11:07am PST

  Huh, I'm 36 and have been that way my whole life. My libido never matched with any of my partners. For me I could care less about the next time I have sex. I have talked with my physician and my OB both, and both have told me there's nothing wrong with me. It totally sucks for our partners. I wish you the best of luck. If you find something that works for you, by all means....please let me know. I've tried it all. lol

  Good luck,

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  Posted by SILENT KNIGHT Thu Nov 5, 2009 11:09am PST

  Stop torturing your man and find someone like you before he ends up cheating or worse. Be honest about how you feel and if he can't accept the terms and conditions then both of you need to move on. It's either that or you need someone more stimulating. Some people bring out the sexual animal in others and some kill sex all together in every shape or form...if you're not into sex and your having sex then you really need to find something more fulfilling to you.

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  Posted by Ahleah G Thu Nov 5, 2009 11:35am PST

  You say you are having sex twice a week. This is a pretty normal amount. Some people have lower libidos than others and this can certainly present a challenge. You can try talking to your boyfriend about it at a neutral time (ie not when you are fighting about it already) and explain this to him, perhaps let him know that the amount of pressure he is putting on you to have more sex is putting you less in the mood. Also, make sure you know what he thinks is an ideal number of times a week to have sex and see if you can meet somewhere in the middle. It really may be wise to seek counseling about this because a big mismatch in libido is going to cause an ongoing problem if not dealt with.

  If you do talk to him and he stops asking to have sex and tries to initiate it without asking (like you seem to want) it is very important that you don't reject him all the time. Otherwise it kindof reinforces what he is saying, that you only want it when it's convenient for you. Another thing to keep in mind, studies have shown that women don't always get turned on until they actually start foreplay, so if you just go with it sometimes even if you may not be 100% in the mood, chances are good you will find yourself in the mood once you get going.

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  Posted by None Thu Nov 5, 2009 11:53am PST

  Men really are wrong in thinking sex = love, but its the way they think, and if you truly think you are just not into it, then he can either accept it or go on his way, OR, if you think there is something underlying making you not want it, then try to find out what it is.....honestly, I am horny as hell, but, I still haven't gotten to the point where i want to give myself to one, no one does it for me, at the last moment, I am just not into it, even if I am obsessing over them, so I have to find out why this is, cuz i want it, but i just havent met anyone right for me.....ill know when it is the right person, BUT, at the same time I have to wonder if there is something else that hinders me, I know that I cannot have sex without love, BUT, I cannot love because I won't let anyone in. s--- man, I'm f--- ed, guess its making love with my hands again LOL!

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  Posted by Kelly C Thu Nov 5, 2009 11:56am PST

  Thanks Alhelah and Mike, that is really helpful. We are very open with each other, so we will get to the bottom of this. It's just frustrating. Miss., I feel bad for you too. Good luck.

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  Posted by Sharon Thu Nov 5, 2009 11:58am PST

  Don't know if this is too personal but...I'd think if you were climaxing or really enjoying sex, you'd want it. I'm not always in the mood either, but I can be gotten in the mood fairly easily, because it's a very enjoyable thing to share with my man. I may not start out all hot about it, but half way through...I'm all on board. AND, I don't mind if my man asks for sex. Oh, you wanna fool around? Bring it!

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