Love + Sex

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Hot Dog Theory Of Man

the bachelor
Besides confirmation that ABC's The Bachelor producers are indeed a bottom-feeding lot (more on this later), viewers of last night's two-hour premiere walked away with some fascinating new tidbits about love. For those who don't watch, the premise of this season's show is that Jason, a 32-year-old single dad from Seattle got down on one knee for Deanna Pappas, the most recent Bachelorette, but was ultimately dissed for a younger, "gnarly dude" of a snowboarder (with whom Pappas has since split). Now, with 3-year-old son Ty in tow, Jason's back on the hunt.

Here, a few of the love lessons gleaned from Monday's premiere:

1. Some women use astrology or matchmaking to help decipher whether a man's worth their while—others use hot dogs.

Bachelor contestant Jillian, a 29-year-old Canadian interior designer, introduced Jason to her theory that what a man puts on his hot dog reveals what kind of man he is. To test the theory, a man is allowed to choose but one topping.

A ketchup guy is a good, old All-American guy who probably is not a huge risk-taker. A sauerkraut guy is the bad boy all women think they want. An onion guy will never marry (due to onion breath, perhaps?). The man all women ultimately want to marry is the mustard man.

Jason chose mustard. We wonder what chili-cheese on a dog says about a guy...

2. When looking to hook a single father, sincerity mixed with stalking, bad poetry or cleavage works! Sincerity with a side of The Secret does not.

Love Buzz was sure the woman who told Jason about MySpace stalking him (she knew the name of his brother's girlfriend) would not receive one of the fifteen coveted roses of the evening. Lo, she did. As did the gal who wrote him a rhyme about love at first sight. On a scroll. With a red heart on it.

On the other hand, the 36-year-old who showed her spiritual side didn't win any points with Jason for describing her "vision board," a concept that comes from Oprah-endorsed The Secret. The law of attraction says that creating a collage of the things you want will help bring desires to fruition. Apparently a likeness of Jason was not on this lady's vision board because she didn't get a rose. He instead went for depth in a rather different sense of the word and chose some women with cleavage so unharnessed we wondered at the state of their back muscles.

Ultimately, The Bachelor teaches us just how much the producers love to exploit the shrill, caddy and weepy sides of women. In the most "shocking" move yet in Bachelor/Bachelorette history, all the ladies on last night's episode were given the opportunity to vote for one woman whom they deemed most incompatible with their smiling single dad. Those with the most votes would be asked to leave the show. As reality television would have it, instead of getting the boot, Megan—the outspoken 25-year-old lacrosse coach and single mom—got a guaranteed rose and the opportunity to cry on TV.

Written by Genevieve Lill for YourTango

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From the Community…

Comments 1-8 of 8
  • springtime's Avatar
    Posted by springtime Wed Jan 7, 2009 7:42am PST

    Since the " Brad Moment" when he shocked the hey out of viewers and angering producers (initially) by refusing any of those girls, now the producers are looking for a new gimmick every season. This season, DeAnna will reappear, begging Jason's forgiveness and throwing a wrench into the bosomy crowd..... who all just looooove children.

    This is PM soap opera. All carefully rehearsed over and over and over.

    Report Abuse
  • DeadlyPoison's Avatar
    Posted by DeadlyPoison Wed Jan 7, 2009 9:44am PST

    Great, I'm hankering for a hotdog now.

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  • DeadlyPoison's Avatar
    Posted by DeadlyPoison Wed Jan 7, 2009 9:46am PST

    Oh, and on another note these "love" reality shows are really about exploiting women to be big fake breasted bimbos who can only look good in a teeny tiny dress they can barely fit in, and have no brains whatsoever.

    Report Abuse
  • Lori's Avatar
    Posted by Lori Wed Jan 7, 2009 10:10am PST

    The other night I was channel surfing and came across the VH1 channel and to my suprise I saw the 3rd season of Rock of Love. That show absolutely cracks me up, it knowingly dipicts women as bimbos, alcoholics and total white trash. Does Bret Michaels not know how this is all going to play out? It's the 3rd season of this bullsh*t for God's sake!!!!! LOL!!!!!

    Report Abuse
  • DeAnn's Avatar
    Posted by DeAnn Wed Jan 7, 2009 11:09am PST

    My hubby puts mustard on his!

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  • still smiling's Avatar
    Posted by still smiling Wed Jan 7, 2009 11:19am PST

    Watching these shows is like trying not to watch an accident, you can't help but want to look!! What craziness is on TV. It's true what they say, truth is stranger than fiction. You couldn't write this stuff!!

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  • ynnepgirl's Avatar
    Posted by ynnepgirl Wed Jan 7, 2009 6:12pm PST

    Healthy self-esteem for women and man should start with the pledge, No More Reality Love Shows!

    If single, be yourself, be real and get off the couch and out of the house; even if it is only to the bookstore with your kid in tow. Never know who you could meet in the Children's section!

    Report Abuse
  • Ben E's Avatar
    Posted by Ben E Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:50pm PST

    I tried to get exact quotes from her theory:

    ketchup guy - good strong loyal loving guy, loves his mom, talks to her several times a week

    sauerkraut guy - he's the guy that all of us girls go for, he's the bad guy

    onion guy - we love him but he never gets married, he's kinda like that rude ...

    mustard guy - the guy that we all want to settle down with because he's part sauerkraut and part ketchup

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-8 of 8

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