Here’s what author Judith Guest says about depression:
“Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling,” she says. “People who keep stiff upper lips find that it’s damn hard to smile.”
Signs of Depression:
- Unexplained changes in behavior.
- Withdrawal or detachment, in communication or otherwise.
- Irrational thoughts or phobias becoming increasingly evident.
“These signs of depression differ by personality and by gender,” says Rich Naran, a depression expert. “The most intimate person - the partner of a depressed person - will perceive the subtle changes before a co-worker or a neighbor does. In fact, partners will see changes that others don’t grasp.”
Helping your partner depends on how the depression manifests
itself and your partner’s level of acceptance. Because of the
social stigma, denial and retreat are common.
Learn all you can. Depression can be the result of
a chemical imbalance in the brain or a hormonal imbalance - it’s
not necessarily caused by a difficult life or recent tragedy.
Depression can be caused by less sunshine or a lack of certain
nutrients. Learning about depression increases your chances of
understanding how he feels, and connecting with him.
Never treat your partner like a sick child. Let
him or her know that you perceive something is wrong, but don’t
demean him by “trying to cheer him up.” In fact, never use the
words “cheer up” in any fashion.
Be watchful, but respect his or her space. Naran suggests that depressed people are like addicts in at least one way: they have to be ready to get help before they can be helped.
Avoid being a crutch or “enabler.” Don’t take over all the responsibilities or create a situation that allows him to stay depressed and not get help. You need to find the balance between giving space, and encouraging your partner to get help.
If you’re considering leaving the relationship, accept that there is no amicable way out. Make a clean break, not a slow agonizing weaning off, which only fosters more guilt, emotional pain, and stress. The breakup has to be clean, or it will mess up both your lives even more - it’s not easy but it is less traumatic over the long haul. For help with this, read How to Break Up With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend .
Related Reading:
- Physical Signs of
Depression
-
Natural Treatments for Depression
-
Signs and Treatments of Seasonal Affective
Disorder
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and
blogger who created and maintains a series of Quips and Tips
blogs: Quips and Tips for Successful
Writers, Quips
and Tips for Achieving Your Goals, and
Quips and Tips for Couples Coping With
Infertility. She's also the Feature
Writer for Psychology
Suite101.
