From friend to girlfriend: Is it possible? (Update)

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  Posted by SILENT KNIGHT Wed Oct 7, 2009 2:09pm PDT

  You did the right thing. Now you just need to go relax or add a little excitement to your life. Out with the old and in with the new.

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  Posted by Tender Love Wed Oct 7, 2009 2:13pm PDT

  At least he let you down easy. Sometimes when you share your feelings and the other is not feeling it they can totally sabatage your mood by making a mockery of your feelings.

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  Posted by urassismine2 Wed Oct 7, 2009 2:29pm PDT

  Tigress,..Lets be honest here. For two years, you stayed close to this guy under the guise that you both were involved in a platonic friendship. That was not the truth. It was in fact, deceptive in your use of his time and sincerity of thought. Though he may have suspected something more within your adulation of his arms lenght acquaintence over that 2 year period, you confirmed his suspicions about your true feelings, and probably busted some of the friendship trust that he had in you. From where I'm sitting, I don't see anything that you have to be angry about just because he took some time(4 days) to gather his thoughts about how he was going to now manage the "new" level of friendship with you,(if any) while re-engineering his past relationship with his former girlfriend, who he is obviously going to let know of your feelings for him. He probably won't be able to help himself on that note. It will be part of the healing process with her, an she will take full advantage of it to really tug on his coat,..now..Next time, just remember that the longer you carry that bucket, the heavier it gets. when you trip because it gets to heavy to carry, you've got a mess all over the place....Just a thought

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  Posted by tigress43 Wed Oct 7, 2009 2:48pm PDT

  I must respectfully disagree, urassismine2. He knew, actually knew, for over a year. His best friend told him "it was obvious" when the three of us had all hung out; he had been oblivious before that, but then he started seeing things that confirmed his best friend's correct observation. He told me this during our conversation. And he had never said anything before. True, I didn't either, but he knew very well what he was going to do once I told him (since he had known all that time and hadn't made a move, he had never wanted to be with me) and yet, he left me waiting to find out for sure for days. He obviously didn't care that I allegedly "busted the friendship trust". I was probably an ego boost to him. I know I was complicit in this whole thing as well, and I am not angry anymore of course, but I do feel I was entitled to be angry with him at the time.

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  Posted by *GoldenGirl*™ Wed Oct 7, 2009 3:04pm PDT

  Now is this the guy you had been a FWB with? cause if so then that detail should be include din this post to get correct responses. FWB situations dont always turn into a relationship, sad to say.

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  Posted by cocanola30 Wed Oct 7, 2009 3:05pm PDT

  I guess its time for a new one...you deserve a new one, a better one. Also, I applaud you for not revealing your feelings while he was still with his girlfriend. Most girls dont have that kind of respect.

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  Posted by cocanola30 Wed Oct 7, 2009 3:13pm PDT

  Oh and for the record.. I did have a relationship with one of my closest guy friends... It started to feel like i was dating my brother(he felt the same way)so we ended it. I cringe thinking about some of the sexual things we did together..ewwww But we are still good friends in fufilling relationships.

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  Posted by The D Man Wed Oct 7, 2009 3:49pm PDT

  Dear Tender Writer,

  Miss tigress 43,

  Relationships are complicated.

  ALL relationships are complicated.

  It begins in the most intimate of arenas, the family.

  Husband & Wife dynamcics, sibling rivalries, the Oedipus and Electra complexes between father daughter, and mother son relationships respectively, are all highly dynamic and fueled by differences.

  Most complicated of all in life is Man/Woman relationships.

  As you have stated, in a friendship relationship, especially a platonic one as you have engendered here, are frought with sexual tension and high emotion. But just as a harmonious home life, this does not mean that they can't exist. (As yours did for 2 years.) But I do believe that it did go from a "platonic friendship" to, a more realistic sense, ----- unrequited love.

  Let me state clearly, I hold no fault to either of you.

  This being said, allow me to defend myself here.

  And I do mean "defend myself", not what I have already stated.

  I am a 42 yo single, engaged twice, never been married, no children, Bachelor degreed male who owns his own home. Normal life, 2 sisters, one older, one younger who are both married with children, both parents, still living, and married to each other.

  So, on the normalacy scale, I easily hit "boring".

  But my defense here goes to the male side.

  When it comes to picking up on female hints I am totlly clueless.

  Did you get that?

  This is the thesis of my argument. Some men (self included) are just so totally out there, so lost in their own little worlds that we can be completely oblivious to anothers desire of us, our love, emotions, and attention.

  Paraphrasing your words, you said that "it was a friend of the three of you who clued your unrequited in...."

  This should now be a great learning curve for you as a woman.

  You have experienced another person having to clue your love interest in, and I am sharing my own possession of the "cluelessness" gene.

  So, for a time, I can forgive his ineptnes in readily picking up on your subtle attempts at persuasion.

  But I do agree with you. If he knew that long, then I feel he was obligated to become forthright, and set the emotional roller coaster you were riding straight.

  This could have saved the relationship in friendship territory, while in a timely manner allowing you to pursue other interests.

  I say, don't be too harsh with him, now that I have illuminated the "clueless" gene.

  And, furthermore, do not be too harsh on yourself for holding out for a chance at what you endeared to be a favorable potential amorous relationship.

  In light of this new revelation, and in our modern times, it just may behoove you to address your feelings of another in a more direct manner.

  Sometimes, in other words, JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT!! (LoL, sorry for the caps). This will especially help us of a clueless gene.

  But be careful, because this may take away from the relationship.

  This is the risk we all take...by "putting ourselves out there".

  No, it is never easy to be hurt, and it hurts even worse to be rejected.

  What you have experienced is what happens in a less direct approach to addressing your feelings toward another. A very, long, slow let down. No big crash...but yet, in the end, the result is the same. Rejection. And what normal person cannot feel pain upon rejection?

  So, pick your feelings, and your rejection up, and gladly move on, learning a lesson that we will forever learn:

  Relationships are complictaed.

  2 years is a relationship.

  I say, if you want the friend aspect, try and keep it. I do not believe any of our friendship relationships are trash to be thrown away.

  IF you can handle it? Big "if" there, and I do put the burden on you.

  So, examine it. Possibly talk with him about it.

  But be at peace with yourself for being in the most complex of relationships.

  Thank You for sharing, and I pray you Blessings, and a realtionship with reciprocity.

  Sending you Hugs and Love...

  The D Man.

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  Posted by The D Man Wed Oct 7, 2009 3:52pm PDT

  Ok, D Man again...I take a long time to type...sorry...two finger dyslexic...(J/K), but no, really, I tyoe with 2 fingers...

  Just wondering, I read TrueBlue...

  What is "FWB"?

  If anyone can clue me in, I would appreciate it...

  I know, I'm old...stop laughing at me...

  D Man.

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  Posted by Sean Wed Oct 7, 2009 4:39pm PDT

  Anything and evreything is possible.

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