Love + Sex

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Dating diaries: When it comes to relationships, are you the independent type?

Why do we celebrate Independence Day? Because independence is attractive. We were not cool when we were a colony. My advice: don't be like the British Imperial Government pre-1776 and try to colonize someone. Conversely, don't be like the Colonists pre-1776 and allow yourself to be colonized.

Aside from sense of humor, independence is the most attractive quality in a person. The paradox is that relationships are entities that require a certain amount of dependence on one another. So how do we do this?

In some cases, nature has figured it out. A good example where both partners benefit would be the clownfish/sea anemone as outlined in Wonderclub.com:

The clownfish has a symbiotic, or mutually beneficial, relationship with the sea anemone. It catches most of its food by cooperating with its host anemone. The clownfish will leave the safety of the anemone's tentacles and swim out among the nearby reef. Its brilliant colors attract larger fish, who, lured by the thought of a meal, follow it back to the anemone and are stung by the anemone one's tentacles. The anemone then consumes the fish, and the clownfish feeds on the remains.

The clownfish also eats away debris and nibbles off the dead tentacles of its host anemone.

Clownfish-Anemone

http://www.aquaria.se/eng/clownfish.htm

OK, so it's a bit morbid (maybe nibbling off the dead tentacles cute?), but you know what I'm getting at. It cooperates with its host. That's key: relationships are about cooperation.

We need to remember that relationships are just one part of our lives. We need to make sure to swim out into the reef when we want to if we are allowed that independence, we will always return to our anemone.

Being independent is attractive, and allowing independence in a relationship is a sign of trust. This is not an easy thing to do though, and when we colonize someone or get colonized by someone, we fall into parasitic can t live without you tendencies we lose friends, and other parts of our lives break apart.

My independence is written on the face of the sky. Whoever derived the definition of Sagittarius was spot on. I've always been into astrology because most of the girls I liked in my younger years were somehow unattainable, so my only hope was to find out their sign and see how well we linked up. That was always as far as I got. But here is what I learned about my sign:

Traits: Fun...Optimist...Good-natured...Sociable...Spiritual...Impatient...Fears Responsibility (yikes)...Self-Indulgence (double yikes)... Peter Pan Syndrome

Likes: Freedom...Unusual Ideas...Being on the Move...Parties...Luxury Items...Gambling...New Friends...Flirting

Dislikes: Public Disapprova (well, who would like this?)...Playing Safe...Confinement...Monotony...Tight clothes/Areas(well, I love/hate my tight jeans )...Being Doubted...Being Refused

Sag

http://hubblesource.stsci.edu/sources/illustrations/constellations/

They've figured me out. I just don't like to be held down. As soon as the spark is gone from a relationship, it must end. I like pursuing girls who are independent. I feel like I need to earn their time. It's just unnatural to think I can't live without someone. My desire to do nothing (or something) whenever I want will never go away. I'd like to think that the women I date have tons of things going on, or need alone time as well.

So how is this Sagittarius who is kind of self absorbed, craving adventure, freedom, independence, and fearing responsibility supposed to find someone compatible or even someone who likes that no responsibility part?

I'm at a loss, so I'm going to submit a video to this psychic for a reading (she does it for free!). She's actually counseled a lot of A-listers (maybe she ll do a Z-lister like me). Hopefully she didn't advise Britney to cut her hair, or Ashley Simpson to do an Irish jig off the stage after getting caught mid-lip-synch. But if these types are so right about my sign, then maybe they'll have some insight into where my soul mate is...or what type of girl I need to look for. Maybe she'll just tell me I'm destined to be alone. If I don't look disgusting in it, I'll share the video with you all.

Is it important to you that your guy be independent? Are you searching for a much more intensive relationship than I'm looking for: spending all your time together? What is your take on astrology? Do you find that the clairvoyants out there have pegged you perfectly with your sign traits? Do you do better with guys born under certain signs? In the spirit of Independence Day, can you share experiences where you have had to get out of an oppressive relationship like the colonists under the British Imperialists?




Posted by Rich

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 27
  • sxc minx's Avatar
    Posted by sxc minx Fri Jul 4, 2008 1:21am PDT

    its my bday on the 4th of july !!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • Nora, 3rd wave eve's Avatar
    Posted by Nora, 3rd wave eve Sat Jul 5, 2008 5:04pm PDT

    Wasn't Jim Morrison a Sagittarius?

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  • Cynthia's Avatar
    Posted by Cynthia Sat Jul 5, 2008 11:56pm PDT

    First, all relationships are about communication, trust and cooperation, it's a two-way street; the tricky part is how to get there...:S I really like the astrology thing although my personality most of the times doesn't match my zodiac profile (i'm pisces btw) what i've found is that the chinese horoscope is more accurate, at least in my case; I'm a very independent woman but as you said in your article sparks are very important...and i want them!!(i've never been in love) so i dunno how would i react when i have so maybe i will surrender to the colonialist or maybe, i will break free asap!! BTW my mum is sagittarius and she's great so i'm guessing you are as well :)(she gets along very well with me(pisces) and capricorn) good luck!!!

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  • jen, pygmaion's Avatar
    Posted by jen, pygmaion Sun Jul 6, 2008 1:45am PDT

    so Cynthia, what's your chineese sign?

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  • Stephy.Skele.Doll's Avatar
    Posted by Stephy.Skele.Doll Sun Jul 6, 2008 11:39pm PDT

    Ok I'm just going to flat out say this... for a guy who doesn't know much about girls you really need to get into the thoughts of a girl such as thoughts of your own... when being in a relationship you should be opened with one another, trust one another, be honest, and of course when you need your space give eachother space. Everybody in a relationship wants somebody to listen to them without listening to what one or the other is saying you obviously are going to hit rock bottom. Then theres trust if you have trust issues looks like your gonna have to break out of that shell you need to give one another the trust that you need and if you know for a fact your dating somebody who isn't trust worthy then you are more then likely going to have to kick them to the side and out of your life and find somebody else that you know you can trust. Be honest because honesty is the biggest thing in a relationship and if your not honest or at least opened to eachothers ideas or what the other person has to say then you need to work them out and if you can do that then whats the point in calling it a relationship that you don't both coroperate with one another? A relationship is based on the balance of basically everyting in between if you can't agree or disagree together or at least on a few things together and you only make it the one persons way and not both ways then its not a relationship not worth being in or worth being with that person. And this is coming from a girl who doesn't date a lot but watches her parents very carefully and what they have to say about relationships and let me tell you I've learned without trust, honesty, loyalty, and basically being opened to one another or listening then its not a relationship its just going to be a ruined relationship that probably won't be worth saving unless you TRY.

    .Steph.

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  • Stephy.Skele.Doll's Avatar
    Posted by Stephy.Skele.Doll Sun Jul 6, 2008 11:43pm PDT

    Ok I'm just going to flat out say this... for a guy who doesn't know much about girls you really need to get into the thoughts of a girl such as thoughts of your own... when being in a relationship you should be opened with one another, trust one another, be honest, and of course when you need your space give eachother space. Everybody in a relationship wants somebody to listen to them without listening to what one or the other is saying you obviously are going to hit rock bottom. Then theres trust if you have trust issues looks like your gonna have to break out of that shell you need to give one another the trust that you need and if you know for a fact your dating somebody who isn't trust worthy then you are more then likely going to have to kick them to the side and out of your life and find somebody else that you know you can trust. Be honest because honesty is the biggest thing in a relationship and if your not honest or at least opened to eachothers ideas or what the other person has to say then you need to work them out and if you can do that then whats the point in calling it a relationship that you don't both coroperate with one another? A relationship is based on the balance of basically everyting in between if you can't agree or disagree together or at least on a few things together and you only make it the one persons way and not both ways then its not a relationship not worth being in or worth being with that person. And this is coming from a girl who doesn't date a lot but watches her parents very carefully and what they have to say about relationships and let me tell you I've learned without trust, honesty, loyalty, and basically being opened to one another or listening then its not a relationship its just going to be a ruined relationship that probably won't be worth saving unless you TRY.

    .Steph.

    Report Abuse
  • thumbilina's Avatar
    Posted by thumbilina Tue Jul 8, 2008 12:49pm PDT

    I am a Virgo and currently in a new relationship with a Sag, he wants to be with me all the time and I am the one who needs more slone/other time. Communication is the key in any relationship which develops trust which allows people to be connected and dependent at the same time. However, after many years of being too independent.I can say that living in the moment and appreciating the other person for who they are is the most wonderful thing you can find in life. As everyone has told me..you will change when you find the "right person" ,guess what, it is true..just takes some of us longer than others. Some people never get it. It's up to you..what do you really want?

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  • sky's Avatar
    Posted by sky Tue Jul 8, 2008 2:28pm PDT

    All of what you are saying sound fasinating personally I don't think is complicate. The only thing you had to do is ask, and be clear with what you want and stick to that. For example if you want time for yourself just say so.I do believe that both need time for themself and be independant but communications is at must .look for a mature woman somebody that knows what she wants like you just take your time.good luck with that.

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  • amberstarr43's Avatar
    Posted by amberstarr43 Tue Jul 8, 2008 2:29pm PDT

    i am libra and in a relationship with a sagittarius..he is just out there all the time..i am home most the time..which is my choice..i dont feel the need for the attention..he is the sweetest ..most soul felt man i have ever met..we have a connection like none i have had before..he does his thing i do mine and we meet in the middle..lol we had some probs a few weeks ago and i shut him down and out..but he kept coming around..kept being sweet..even after i was toooooo mean when he got sweet again i did too..when and if he gets mean i get meaner..so i guess i am independent on that..and i pay my own bills..i dont want no guy saying they keep me..i am my own girl but at the same time i respect my guy and love him..trust and communication are so vital..my guy thinks (and i ask him)that my independence is so cooooolll..but he does have lil ways of trying to slip in on me..like i will buy this and cook..u just have to be here lol..men are the caretakers..from adam on..but think about it women have been so very strong all through history..women are also large caretakers..it is a game of give and take..i do my own thing..my guy does his own thing..and we trust love and respecti would say i am independent..but so is my man and i wouldnt have it any other way

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  • Beth's Avatar
    Posted by Beth Tue Jul 8, 2008 2:39pm PDT

    Hahah Rich your posts are so much fun. Maybe it isn't the spark that is gone more of the independant woman you were dating. I had noticed that trend also when women start dating a new man, they go into hermit stage where everything is centered around that guy. Like you said, friends are lost, hobbies are lost etc etc. I ended up in that same cycle when I am normally a very very independant person.

    I love astrology and read the daily horoscope as well, and I do birthcharts which tend to turn out very very accurate because it goes by your date and time of birth. I fit my astrological sign to a T though, I am an Aquarius. I'm people smart, love to observe people, free spirited, always outside of the box, and I have horrible ankles lol.

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