Love + Sex

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Cougar women are in a class by themselves

There is a growing population out there of divorced women who are over 40.  They are not the cast aways of previous generations.  I am in this group.  For whatever reasons, our marriages didn't work, but our eyes are wide open and we are out there dating men that range from 20s - 60s.  I have to say being single the second time around is a lot better. 

Though there are a lot more dangers, such as HIV/AIDS, the plus is that our idenities are fully developed.  Women in this age group have a strong sense of self.  We also know what we are looking for.  And gentlemen, this doesn't necessarily mean a guy with a big bank account. 

I will never forget a gentleman I was dating who took it upon himself to show me one of his accounts and started going over his finances with me.  I actually was horrified because it was too early in our relationship for him to share this information with me.  Secondly, I was not interested in rushing into a second marriage.  That action also was enough to scare the living heck out of me.  Now, for some women that live and breath by the bank account, this would have been fine, but for me, I will have to say after going through a recent divorce, I was in NO hurry to go down the aisle again.  Needless to say, the relationship ended shortly thereafter.

For women who say, "There are NO good men out there!"  I beg to differ.  There are a lot of options out there for dating, but I do find one strange trend, I have dated very few men my age.  Either they are up to 10 years younger or at least 10 years older than I am.  Why I find that interesting is that the younger men expect women to be more liberated and they don't try to have a traditional relationship.  They tend to view the relationship as a partnership.  Older men, are more relaxed, mellow, and less likely to be so rigid and enjoy the company of a younger, but mature woman who is self aware.  However, what I find amusing are the men that are my age.  They are chasing after girls who are in their 20s who they can control.  More power to them.  All I can say is that in my 20s, I devestated many a 40 year old man's heart.  I wasn't interested in marrying someone who could be my father at that age.

Ladies, just because you may be in your 40s, never tell yourself your love life is over.  So don't bury yourself in the business of life while you are still very much alive.  Get out there and take a chance.  Be selective, flirt, and give a guy a smile.  You deserve to have some fun!  Sometimes a dinner, is just a dinner, but it depends on what is being offered for dessert.   

Photo: (C) 2008 Marilyn Campiz
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Comments 1-7 of 7
  • Terry Marsh's Avatar
    Posted by Terry Marsh Sat Jul 12, 2008 8:46pm PDT

    I agree that both men and women date up or down in age for various reasons. But I also know that there are good men available in any age group. I belong to a men's organization which includes members from 22 to 71, and they all have strong ethical and moral values. The problem is that even with the one's who are single, you'll never find them in the usual "pick up" places. You're more likely to find them frequenting a ball game, museum, or artistic production.

    I guess the bottom line is that it all depends upon where you look.

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Mon Jul 14, 2008 6:54am PDT

    Well done. I too am, and have been called a cougar! I am currently married, 15+ however I do feel that the older I get and more confident, the more I sense an insecurity with my partner. Men do struggle, thus the 20 yr old or "korean bride", purchase. (No pun to the koreans out there, just an example) Cheers to all the cougars out there!!!!

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  • em's Avatar
    Posted by em Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:02pm PDT

    my friends call me a cougar intraing im 28 was married and i have 2 kids and im am seeing a young man who 18 in college

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  • A*V*P's Avatar
    Posted by A*V*P Sat Aug 23, 2008 6:18am PDT

    I like someone almost half my age.And I'm 51.

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  • A*V*P's Avatar
    Posted by A*V*P Sat Aug 23, 2008 6:27am PDT

    I like someone almost half my age.And I'm 51.

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  • Drea2up's Avatar
    Posted by Drea2up Sat Nov 29, 2008 8:25pm PST

    It's not only divorced women who are being called cougars. I found myself a widow three years ago when my 41 year old husband died in my arms. For anyone who thinks that's romantic, it's not. I'm 47 now, and my new BF, my first since my husband died, is ten years younger than me. Neither one of US has a problem with it and I can completely understand why he is not interested in women his own age. Frankly it makes perfect sense biologically because I am at my sexual peak and most men my age can not keep up with me.

    Fortunately, age is not the most important issue in a relationship and he and I click so fantastically we can't imagine finding anyone who would be a better fit for us then each other!

    XOxo~Drea

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  • william's Avatar
    Posted by william Thu May 14, 2009 11:02pm PDT

    the writer reminds me of yoko ono

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