Love + Sex

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Contradiction.....what do you REALLY want????

I wrote this blog a year or so ago.....thought I'd post it here and get some feedback......

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I've been reading blogs, listening to ppl talking, going into chat rooms, talking with ppl at work and in various other locations..... and the one thing stands out VERY clear. No one likes anything. It's really that simple. All those who searched and supposedly found true love have either lost it now, or are complaining about the fact that they are no longer one person, yet the whole time they were single, they complained about being just ONE person alone. They want someone to call, yet they don't want anyone to call them when they want to be alone which I thought was never cuz remember? they were tired of being alone!! They don't like anything about their 'new' lives or want to make any changes to themselves for their new lives, as for some reason, it was supposed to be easy and ppl were just supposed to come into their lives and make things happen for them. They don't want to tell anyone anything about themselves, but complain when the other person doesn't answer their questions. They are just... plain and simple....not happy no matter what is going on in their lives. OMG....WTF????

Apparently the grass IS greener on the other side, and sometimes there's no way back over the fence. Guess it goes to show that unless you REALLY know what it is that you want, and you are willing to work and/or sacrifice for that desire......it really ISN'T what you want....period. You sacrifice for the things you love and you love the things you sacrifice for....plain and simple. So I guess the biggest questions we all face......what do we want and what are we willing to sacrifice to have that?

I remember listening to an extremely talented young lady years ago......she was in her early forties. She played the piano for us....very accomplished, and extremely talented. She then posed the question......how many of you would LOVE to play like me? Of course, most in the audience rose their hand. She then said, well......I'll ask you again in a few minutes....then proceeded to tell us how she never went to anything in high school.....no proms, dates, basketball/football games on friday nights. She did not hold a job in her teens, and did not go out on weekends with her friends. She practiced from 6 am til school and when school was out at 3, she got her homework done, and then practiced for 6 hours. When it was summer, she did not go to girl scout camps, boatings, water skiing with her friends, movies or just laying around on the grass in her back yard. Nope....not her....10 hours a day practicing. When she went to college, which was on a scholarship, she did basically the same thing, cuz she couldn't lose the scholarship. She did not date, never had a boyfriend, no girlfriends to hang out with....nothing. But boy, could she play the piano!! Amazingly so. You could just FEEL the emotion coming out of each of her fingers, and yes, she did enjoy playing. Well....one day as we all do, she get older. She got the inevitable high school reunion invitation. She thought, wow, this will be soooo fun to attend, they laughed at me back then, didn't like me...so I can show them all my accomplishments, the awards I've won, the places I've studied and performed, Juliard, Carnegie Hall....etc. She attended......and when her classmates told of how they had families, children, and were active in their communities, the struggles and the high points....she felt that she had missed out. She saw the LOVE they had for the husbands/wives and the children that they had worked and sacrificed for. She saw the fact that they were more interested in talking about the accomplishments of a child, or a spouse, or a parent who had given them encouragement to acheive their dreams, (yet some hadn't lived to see those accomplishments).....than they were about talking about themselves. She saw her life as empty....no husband, no family, no children, but again.....boy could she play!! She walked away that night, never telling of her awards and fame because she felt they paled in comparison. She saw selflessness in her classmates, and selfishness in her. She vowed to cut back, to stop the obsession that was all she knew. She then met and married a wonderful man, and they had children.....who she was then able to share her love of music with.....and funny thing, she said she played even better after that, because she felt like she was giving them a GIFT as opposed to feeling as though she had to be driven to success. She had sacrificed love, family and children for the piano......which for awhile, was a good thing......but she learned, that moderation, giving, being selfless and sacrificing.....those were the greatest gifts she could both give and receive. She then again asked how many of us would LOVE to play like her.....and as I looked over the room.....myself a piano player, and sitting there knowing that I had four beautiful daughters at home waiting for me to come back to them....I did NOT raise my hand. I play, but I am not accomplished, but....I have good kids....and we are close and we love each other.....and they really don't care that I don't play that well anyway......and yet, I know that I could have, IF I had chosen to do that.....and now, my kids are growing older and getting lives of their own.....I'll break out the piano books one day and maybe learn a few new songs, and play some old ones learned long ago, and think of the sacrifices that were soooo worth it, and wish that I played better.

So....guess what I'm trying to say in a nutshell.....figure out what it is that you REALLY want....make it happen and don't look back and wish for the times you were complaining about not having what it is that you now have......to me that makes no sense at all. Oh and as for getting a boyfriend or man in my life......over the past few months, with everything that others are sharing......I am no longer looking. Why? I'll only want to be single again according to others....lol.....so why do that to my heart....I have enough problems in life without adding sorrow to my heart too.....I'm better off just keeping things the way they peacefully are right now. It's like what someone in chat said.......he talked to an older man who told him......marriage is like a hot tub....you get in all excited.....but over time you get used to the water temperature, and it ain't so hot anymore. Well.....there you have it.....I'm not looking for a hot tub. :)

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Comments 1-10 of 14
  • urassismine2's Avatar
    Posted by urassismine2 Sun Nov 1, 2009 1:23pm PST

    If anyone, doesn't learn anything from this post, they never will learn,..another thing. Time spent, in this life cannot be taken for granted. This is a serious post. Something, to more than think about.

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  • urassismine2's Avatar
    Posted by urassismine2 Sun Nov 1, 2009 1:37pm PST

    Life is short, and it moves so quickly. Before you know it, you don't have many choices left to choose from. This pertains to anything, an everything that touches a persons life. Youth blinds us with promises of continuation. Its a lie because everything comes to a sudden stop...Today, I had a nice conversation, mingled with the minds of intelligent people, breathed in my peace, am loving my peace. Its a good day, Sandy...Tommorow,..I don't know..:)..Thank you lady..

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  • Sandy's Avatar
    Posted by Sandy Sun Nov 1, 2009 2:47pm PST

    Urassismine2....Thank you....I always enjoy the back and forth that goes on in here...your posts make me think as well. I just say what I think, and sometimes ppl don't quite 'get' it....I would like to think I'm normal, but the more I talk to ppl the more I think, I'm not...and in a good way.

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  • Dark Force of Nature™'s Avatar
    Posted by Dark Force of Nature™ Sun Nov 1, 2009 3:34pm PST

    Happiness comes from within oneself. You can not expect others to make you happy or bring you happiness. It is a state of mind/being. Money can make your life easier and healthier. But it can not buy you happiness. You have to choose to be happy with whatever comes you way in life. Sharing your life with a significant other can increase your happiness. But only if that happiness comes from within you. May you find your own happiness within yourself!

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  • Nicole's Avatar
    Posted by Nicole Sun Nov 1, 2009 3:36pm PST

    I just skimmed through you blog.Its your way of thinking not mine.I have nothing against what you are saying,but life is about choices.If you don't make the right choices in life you will have a set back.At my age I don't have time for mistakes and regrets.I am not looking for a miracle to happen,I am hoping that my life time partner wants the same as me.I am open to learn new and challenges things.I am taking one day at a time.There is no need to rush.Like Hill Harper said in his book.He was going to let a great woman pass him by because he didn't think she fitted in his way of thinking.Sometimes we have to change our way of thinking because someone is not on our A list.

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  • Nicole's Avatar
    Posted by Nicole Sun Nov 1, 2009 3:42pm PST

    Money is not everything.I can be with a broke man and be just as happy.Its about the love that we share for one another.Money is needed,but its not a requirement that I look for in a man.Its the connection that we have as one.No one can make you happy.You're either happy or you're not.Its that simple.I'm just a happy person.I love to laugh and have fun.A man don't have to cater to me,but he does have to respect me as an equal.A relationship is a partnership despite what Steve Harvey's says.Its nothing wrong with a woman paying for a meal every now and then.It doesn't show a man's weakness.At least I don't think that way.If a man wants to pay all his bills at home,and let is other half do what she wants with her money...Thats his business.I am not that kind of woman.I will always have my man's back!

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  • curiously's Avatar
    Posted by curiously Sun Nov 1, 2009 4:29pm PST

    "the dark matter lol"

    Did you saw that it was a cat fight between Paris and I don't know somebody else (a challenger I presume)? What shocked me was that her boyfriend told about that person that she is poor because she has only 7 millions dollars in her accounts. Wow! Ok, I understand that if somebody have, let say zillions, then a person that have only 7 millions can be poor (by comparison), but still... can you imagine what 99.99% of the population think hearing this? It is contrarily with what I learned in school and also in the documentaries: that the rich they are, the more responsible they are with people.

    It must be an exception or this happen just like in science when there are many-many differences between the theory and practice? Something like this:

    - theoretically speaking it should be like this!

    - and practically?

    - well, this is another matter!

    :-)

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  • Nicole's Avatar
    Posted by Nicole Sun Nov 1, 2009 4:30pm PST

    Have you ever had a man to call you,and say the sweetest thing?He is so sweet.I am very lucky to have a friend like him.I took him to dinner lastnight,and it was my treat.I paid for our dinner,and he didn't stop me.Now thats a real man.It goes to show.Steve don't control real men.It didn't make him less of a man having me pay.He was actually flattered that I insisted.He has never had a woman to pay for dinner before.I am glad to be the first.I want us to be an equal.As time goes by we will get to know each other better.Tonight is my me time,and tonight is his night out with the fellas.I am at my best and it feels great.My life is finally coming together.Who knows what the future is going to bring?

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  • Nicole's Avatar
    Posted by Nicole Sun Nov 1, 2009 4:33pm PST

    Thank God money is not an issue with me and my male friend.We both have money.Its my beauty and brains that he loves.

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  • Sandy's Avatar
    Posted by Sandy Sun Nov 1, 2009 10:18pm PST

    Darkforce, Nicole and Curiously...I'm thinking that I missed something here. I did not talk in this blog at all about money and what it can buy you...are you sure you commented on the right blog? Also, what does Paris have to do with anything on here? Call me confused here....think you may have read the wrong blog....

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