Avoiding The Bitter Pill

     Do you remember feeling the bitter disappointment when you realized a relationship you were in and had such high hopes for was coming to an end? The red flags of deception and disinterest start popping up like weeds after a small rain. You can no longer ignore the pattern even though you insist on giving your love interest the benefit of the doubt? Arguments begin over trivial things, apologies are made and  you try to reconcile? Your attempts will be futile because your heart really isn't into it anymore and sadly you realize your other's benefit has come to an end; there is no longer any doubt.
     
      Dread is the uncomfortable silences on the phone when there is nothing more to say after banal chatter or perfunctory text messages that convey no feeling or warmth. You are left bereft of energy-the polarity of your  attraction has changed and your "other" becomes repellant and repulsive to you. We all want to leave on a "but we can still be friends basis", but even that is very difficult if not impossible to achieve.

    Some people react with anger at the end of a relationship, while others are perplexed as to  the reasons why it ended.Some write long termination notices cataloging all the slights and most just stop responding. When a relationship is out of balance it is not difficult to pinpoint the causes. I think it is usually because one person is being dishonest or one is giving more than the other.  
   
    Honest communication is not a skill we are born with.  As children we learn it is ok to lie in varying degrees depending on what we learned from our parents, siblings and enviornment. People lie for many reasons.  One thing I have learned is if a person lies at the beginning of a relationship the relationship is doomed.  Any engineer will tell you if there is no solid foundation a structure will eventully collapse in on itself and cause damage. 
  
    In the age of Internet dating and matchmaking sites will tout how their particular formula for finding a date or mate is superior and more successful than another. Most of these websites do not check the veracity of what a person inputs. You can check online to find out if a person is being truthful about their age, martial status or a criminal history with a few clicks of a mouse button. Next time you find a potential date or mate online or in the real world proceed with caution.  Do the  Ronald Reagan  "trust but verify" thing before you make an emotional investment  You just might avoid the unpleasantness of wasting your time on a dishonest person and the bitter pill of a failed relationship.