Who gets your kids if you and your spouse both die?

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  Posted by JoKTM Mon Jul 6, 2009 7:46pm PDT

  My friend has two kids and if something happens to her and her husband one of her sisters get the kids. The oldest has been married for 3yrs trying to have kids but can't. She is 39yrs old and he husband can not stay employed for anything, so they are a no. Sister #2 is not married 35yrs old a teacher and stuck in her way, s she was a no. Sister #3 has 3 kids, fosters, is married to a sales man who has to job hop, but they provide a loving, caring stable environment, so they are a yes. Her two younger sister are 26 and 24 and don't want kids. All he has is a 19yr old brother. it is a delicate decision. My husband and I are do not have kids yet, we are going to try in January, but we know who we would choose.

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  Posted by Michelle Tue Jul 7, 2009 7:45am PDT

  Mine is kind of different. My son's father and I were never married. If something happened to me, my son would go live with his father. I do have a stipulation however, that if something DID happen to me and my son was to go to his father, my husband would have the same visitation rights that my son's father has right now. If something were to happen me and his father both, my son would live with his father's parents.

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  Posted by Mo B Tue Jul 7, 2009 8:57am PDT

  Mine is odd as well. Me and my daughter's father are not together. If something where to happen to us she would go to his girlfriend, she has been a stepmom to my daughter for years. And if something where to happen to her she would go to her Godparents.

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  Posted by Shae Tue Jul 7, 2009 10:01am PDT

  We went with our son's godparents. The decision was hard but this is what we decided. We didn't want our families fighting over him. But we also wanted to make sure they would see him. Then we looked to see who would raise him with the same values we would. We then looked for a couple who we thought would last (not get divorced) and lastly we decided they were the perfect choice because they would make sure he did good in school, teach him about different cultures (our son is biracial black and white, his god parents are thai and arabian) and would love him like their own, he would never feel left out. I know this is a difficult thing to think about, but you are just doing it because you love your children. You want to make sure you can still take care of them in the unfortunate time of your death.

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  Posted by wendy g Tue Jul 7, 2009 10:44am PDT

  I've been thinking about it, too, and my husband and I have come to the conclusion that we simply CANNOT die...not before our child is thirty, anyway. Both of our parents are in poor health, neither could take care of him physically. ALL of our siblings are struggling to provide for their own, they borrow money from our parents (and us) on a regular basis. They are ALL constantly in "crisis" mode. In other words, they can't afford their own kids, there's no way they would be able to afford another one. Plus, none of them would raise our child the way we would wish...they're not doing a very good job with their own, frankly.

  We have friends, but none that we could feel good enough about to leave our child to. So...we better take care of ourselves!

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  Posted by wengski Tue Jul 7, 2009 5:23pm PDT

  Well.. Thanks for reminding... I have never thought of that. A good question, and I'll try to think about it now.

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  Posted by SLM Wed Jul 8, 2009 6:19am PDT

  I honestly believe that NOT naming a guardian for your child in your will is one of the most selfish things a person can do (or not do in this case).

  Your child depends on you to make this decision. Yes it is difficult, yes it brings up unpleasant thoughts, but welcome to parenting people. It isn't always easy.

  Did you know that if you should die before your children are 18 ANYONE can petition the court for custody. Including acquaintances. People you would never dream of leaving your children with. That doesn't mean they will GET custody, but your relatives would have to fight it in court. Do you want them to have to pay for a costly legal battle? Also, relatives often fight each other for custody. Sisters against sisters and brother against brother. Siblings vs parents. Is this what you want? A bitter family war because you couldn't plan ahead?

  Take 10 minutes and get a will. Even if you and your husband scribble something down on a sheet of paper and you both sign it...if no other will is found...that is often enough for a court to determine your intent and that will hold up in court (the judge would at least take it under advisement and rule accordingly)

  Would you provide your children with food and shelter? Would you get a babysitter if you had to go out? THEN GET A WILL and MAKE CUSTODY ARRANGEMENTS.

  BTW...just because someone has custody, doesn't mean the get any money. A trustee can be appointed to determine how the money is spent and they must spend it in the best interest of the child. So if you have 1 "money smart" sibling and 1 "kid smart" sibling...split the duties.

  Sorry so long...I am very passionate about this as you can tell. I have relatives who survived a very bitter custody battle because of this very reason.

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  Posted by Erin V Wed Jul 8, 2009 2:26pm PDT

  The part that scares me to death is the fact that yeah Micheal Jackson had his will state that his mom gets custody of his kids. but lo and behold the biological mother is suing for custody and from what i hear has a good shot at getting it. So does it even do any good to set a will to keep my child from automatically going to my ex husband who wants nothing to do with him, if he can just turn around and get custody anyways if he were to choose to, not that he would considering a wadfull of cash won't be following my son like some kids we know.

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  Posted by Labellasonata Wed Jul 8, 2009 2:45pm PDT

  My sister told me about a month ago that she and my brother-in-law decided that I would be named as legal guardian of my nephew (He will be born very very soon...). They came to that conclusion since they say I show that I'm responsible with my finances, pursing further education, and I have a reliable car. I have an older brother, but he's constantly sturggling with money and not the most mature person. I'm not too sure about the details with my brother-in-law's siblings, but in the end they decided I would be best to care for my nephew in case of anything happens to them.

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  Posted by Alayna m Wed Jul 8, 2009 6:55pm PDT

  i don't have kids yet(only 16!) so i'm not one to worry about this yet, but if i did it would go to my sister, she's smart with finances and would teach my child like i would.

  And since i am i minor, if my parents died i would "have to go to somebody" and my legal guardian would be my older brother who is about to be 22, but when i was little i would of gone to my aunt Roanne(that i am named after) or the bessginers who are a family who are very close to us.

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