I had no expectations upon sending the letter and wasn’t even sure if he would respond given the years between us with no contact. I was not harsh in my tone to him in the letter, but in no way was I forgiving of his absence or attempting to reconnect. Looking back I think I was curious about him and proud of my accomplishments and wanted to share them (my father never graduated from High School so I figured he would have been proud to hear of my success).
My father called me the day he received my letter and we have since seen each other several times. I am seeing though that my initial curiosity has turned into disappointment over who he is. My father makes no attempt at all to get to know me. Every single time we have met up has been at his house for a cookout. Each time he invites many of his friends and makes no effort to talk to me or get to know me (not even with simple questions about my job, or do I have a boyfriend, etc).
My dilemma is that this man, my father, is no one that I want to continue a relationship with. I knew going into this that if he did respond it was possible that I wouldn’t like him or that we may not get along after all those years. My mother thinks I should just decline his future request to see each other and just say “I'm busy” or offer up another generic excuse. My problem with that is that I don’t want to play the game of “oh I'm actually busy that weekend, and the next, and the next 100 weekends after that”. I don’t feel as though I owe my father any explanation but this option my mother offered up seems more annoying than actually meeting up with him. Needless to say I’m torn.
So I ask, what is the best way to deal with this very sticky situation? I want no future contact with him and would like to keep the drama to a minimum.
