TMC Confessions & Answers with Uncle Brett: 5 Ways to get rid of your toddler's pacifier

TMC Confession: 

"I never thought I would be the mom with the "too old for a pacifier" kid. She is 2 and she is so attached it is in her mouth all day, or her hand. I could take it away, I've tried, but she screams and cries for HOURS :( I know taking it away is inevitable. I wish I did it when she was 1, now shes 2 and addicted. She has above average speech and is very advanced for her age, her only downfall is this god damn binky..... oh heaven forbid she goes 5 minutes without it..... she throws tantrums so loud/violent i'm worried someone will call the cops over the noise."

Brett says:

I generally recommend snapping out of the pacifier paradigm before your child hits 12 months, as habits that progress beyond the age at which your kid begins to acquire speech--and a truer realization of their own sense of free will--will be much harder for them to break.

However, regardless of age, you should be aware that the pacifier is probably not going to be stolen from your daughter's mouth by a unicorn; it seems unlikely that it's going to grow legs and walk away; and I'm willing to guess she's not going to get rid of it on her own. Its disposal is going to need be a decision in which you're actively involved. Of course, in order to be most effective and helpful in the long-term, you should offer solutions that go beyond cold-turkey/tough-love/dump-and-run.

I suggest the following five-step tactic to help wean your daughter from her addiction:

1) Develop a long term (2-4 week) plan for when you're going to toss the sucker out. Write the kill-date on the calendar and make crossing out the intervening days a part of your daily/nightly ritual.

2) Come up with some clear and increasingly restrictive rules about when she can and can't use the binky. Get her buy-in by asking her when she feels like she needs it most (she's so verbal, she can tell you)

3) Once you develop these rules, stick to them firmly. (If you give in, the plan is meaningless, and you're totally screwed.)

4) Support her by coming up with other things she can do when she feels like she needs the comfort the Binky offered (get a hug, read a favorite book, stroke another less obtrusive transitional object, play with a toy).

5) When you hit your kill date, have her toss the pacifier in the trash (and quickly remove it from the house)

NOTE: She's going to cry. She might cry a lot. When she does, assure her that you love her and that you're there for her, but don't engage further in her noise. I guarantee that if you let her get to the end of her rope a couple times, and she realizes that the world will go on when she makes it there, she'll gain an emotional maturity and won't feel such a stong need to tantrum in the first place.

Brett Berk is the author of "The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting."

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