"I said no!" The real reason kids don't listen

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  Posted by lacey Mon Nov 2, 2009 7:37am PST

  For those who believe discipline in the form of hitting is okay because one "is in charge," I trust that person extends the same to their supervisors, the police officer, a judge or another in society that is "in charge." It would be wonderful to see adults get smacked in the head or swatted when for the 3rd, 4th, or 5th time they come to work late, having been told when they were hired what their hours were, or to see the police smack someone across the face for not stopping at a stop sign, although adults with license were taught and tested that such was mandatory. As an experienced and successful parent, too many adults enter into parenthood by means of having the right body parts, not realizing that it's a labor of love and patience. Remarkable how a grown person thinks a child understands "adult speak" and reasoning when even adults don't understand other adults and laws and rules and regulations that adults are suppose to follow.

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  Posted by J Mon Nov 2, 2009 8:50am PST

  wow

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  Posted by XanderNTorie Mon Nov 2, 2009 9:22am PST

  First of all i have 2 children, a boy 6 and a girl 2. My son suffered a stroke when he was born, these so-called experts didnt figure it out untill he was a year old. I knew by he time he was 5 months old something wasnt right, but his doctor kept telling me he was fine and that his tantrums were normal. everyone else kept telling me he needed more discipline. i finally switched his doctor and told his new doctor about his sever tantrums and that he wasnt even holding his head up yet and requested a referral to a nureologist. there are so many things that "experts" fail to take into account when they try to tell us how to raise our young. invironment d plays a big role on what a child learns and adapts. For example when my son was 3 my two brothers and my mother came to stay with me for a while, my youngest brother is by-polar and he used to have violent episodes where he would break windows and punch walls and throw things. my son began to hit things and me when he would get mad or frustrated. I found another place for my mother and brothers to stay. a few months later, and a lot of work, i had shown my son more constructive non violent ways to express his feelings. setting a good example is another big factor, you can't set rules for your child and then break them yourself and expect your child to follow the rules just because you say so. Respect is a very big factor, regardless of their age you should always be respectful to them. A few weeks ago my son had a very bad habit of interupting conversations and it was frustrating. My husband figured out why, we would constantly interrupt our son when he was trying to talk to us, and when he was working on a project with someone, we werent showing him the respect we were demanding he show us. Now he politely waits his turn to talk or ask questions, because my husband and i respectfully do the same for him. True they are children but they have thoughts, opinions, and feelings too, and as adults it is so important to remember that. Something else, just beca

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  Posted by XanderNTorie Mon Nov 2, 2009 9:51am PST

  Something that a child feels and sees as important is to often dismissed by an adult as not important, but we have to remember that it is important to them, therfore it is very important acknowledege that fact. a childs viewpiont changes as they grow, learn, and age. to help them understand and adapt some of our views, we also must take the time to learn as much as we can from them. i completely agree with you Lacey. striking a child is never the right way, we have laws that state if one adult hits another its called battery and punishable by jail time. What, a child doesnt have the same rights as an adult? WHY?

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  Posted by Superstar Mon Nov 2, 2009 7:09pm PST

  well i have an almost 3 year old every since he was old enough to move his head he would head butt things and really hard, so as he was that young i would stop him then as he got older he would do it when he got in trouble so i ignored him, and eventually he got over it, then as he got a little older we discovered that he is bipolar already, which everyone in our family is. its hard to deal with because one minute he is fine playing then he just gets mad and stats throwing things and hitting the walls. i have to punish him for that but in a way he cant help it... i am very different in the discipline factors because when i was young my mom believed in letting me experience things for myself and get the conquences for myself if i did the wrong things which did work but then my dad was raised very differently and believe in spanking with belts to the point of welps. I do not and will never do that. once my mom went into depression then that left my dad in control of us and i hated him with a passion, i had nothing to do with him until i turned 19. I do not want that for my son, i spank him with my hand because time outs were just not working but i dont believe in all the other and i strongly disagree with the person who said that he 17 yr old told her that he was glad that his parents loved him enough to teach him the way he is... because that has nothin to do with love.. my son has manners he is very good with his manners and with everyone else its just me he tends not to listen to. thats when hes not allowed to play, or watch spongebob. then he realizes and he acts better. you have to punish them with the things they like most, and no matter what you cannot give in, not even once if u say that they can not do something if they act bad then dont let them no matter what because once you do they have control over you. another thing is kids learn things from others very quickly, for instance my brother always plays fight with my son, so one day he punched me and busted my lip, punched like a grown man, thats not approiate and i had to make my brother stop. So if you dont want your kids doing some things then watch out who you have them around and what games you are letting them play and waht shows you are letting them watch

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  Posted by Soleau2 Tue Nov 3, 2009 6:19am PST

  I have 3 children, 6 18 22 and I tell you what - The 18 and 22 yr old, back when they were young I barely had to look at them wrong and they would stop and listen and almost never did it again. Now this 6yr old, cant tell him or he basically doesn't listen and if I did him like my other kids discipline, his butt would stay red. I am 41 and I have learned that the kids nowadays need reasoning, atleast tell them both ends that way thay have the full pic. ie. "When you get to the street STOP look both ways, even if you are running stop at the street and look both ways, and if you don't see a car you may hurry up and cross the street. If you do see a car, stop and wait until the car drives by and then look again and if no car then you may cross that way you won't get hit by a car and hurt your body."

  Now I know what you're thinking. I don't have time for all that, the child should get it before then. If you tell a child "No don't run in the street a car will hit you," the 1st thing the child thinks is so what if a car hits me (remember tv shows unrealistic things and a child may have seen someone run in the street and not get hit by the car). So us as the Parents need to let them constantly know, until the situation comes up and they see for themselves, that "Yes if i run in the street with a car coming or not looking first I will get hurt and it won't be fun." They finally get it. I will say one thing though, the kids now are very tuned in to what they see and hear and if you don't have the ENERGY (not patience) to constantly discipline then they will run you wild. My 6yr old is very challenging/competitive on information because he doesn't watch the cartoons and kiddie stuff on tv. Instead he watches the Planet channel, science channel, COPS, any sports games on tv, and anything that he feels is grown up and he can learn. And when he sees something that's not right to his mind, he will ask. I believe once you let them know that TV is alot of phony stuff (and yes you must show them when it's happening, much easier for them to process) they start to place in their minds right from wrong. New and old disciplining tactics will keep them on your side majority of the time, they will still act up and test the waters because their minds are developing at uncontrollable speeds. Dont give up on your child, if you can't control them than there is camps and outside help that can. Just remember you and your child are in different generations and times are definitely different. We didn't need a reason when we were growing up, they do.

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  Posted by Chrinielle Tue Nov 3, 2009 4:01pm PST

  dang...so much arguing. seriously, i dont like picing sides but still here is what I believe: the reason why kids dont listen is because they dont see a reason to obey... not yet anyway. they are still experiencing life at such young ages. its like when they first get bitten by an ant or something, they LEARN from it. whats happening is that they are experiencing their own individuality. can you blame them? not really... kids have a natural tendency to be curious.

  and just for all those parents who are arguing, with all due respect, i can imagine that you may have done the same things to your parents when you were your children's age. im not bashing anyone or dissing anyone, im just stating something that goes on and on in a cycle. its a repeating process that never ends and there's no way to solve it.

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  Posted by Senior Tue Nov 3, 2009 11:32pm PST

  ok, i have a 3 year old. he gets in trouble for the same exact things every single day! its gotten worse the older he gets. hes playing around in the bathroom. he destroys anything that he can get his hands on. he has removed almost all of the screws to chairs at the dining table! lets keep in mind he four, and he does it without a screw driver! i walked in on him urinating behind a dresser in the bedroom. he goes into the refrigerator and drinks out of things when no one is watching. i mean there are alot of things that he is doing that has me puzzled!! he is the third child out of four. its very frustrating, and on top of that i have a 17 month old that has just discovered the same ways! i am in desperate need of some help! what should i do> where should i start?

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  Posted by Suzette Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:07am PST

  I want to thank everyone for their inpuy! I am having problems with my 10 yr.old and each comment had info that I can use in our situation. I ALSO BELIEVE WE NEED TO PARENT, NOT BECOME FRIENDS WITH OUR CHILDREN, UNTIL THET ARE ACTING LIKE ADULTS. It is neccesary to be in charge of the way your children act in any situation, if we don't, we are responsible for the destruction, literally and figuratively, and we deserve those consequences for not doing our job. Be a Parent, or you will never forgive yourself when the love of your world ends up in jail or worse. Constantly I see the lack of parenting, without ever laying eyes on either parent. It all begins at home.

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  Posted by Daniel Wed Nov 4, 2009 12:15pm PST

  I have two children and it is easier to let them learn from experience. Example 1: We just moved to Indiana from Alabama, it is November and colder than The South. My children know best of course, and refuse to where their coats. Sooner or later they will get cold enough to put their coat on based on their comfort level the day before. I refuse to argue over something that is not detrimental to themselves or will not embarrass me.

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