Parenting

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Is Extreme Nursing Too Nasty?

Gina Kaysen Fernandes: Breastfeeding may be a beautiful thing in the eyes of the beholder. It's an intimate act between a mother and child that allows them to emotionally and physically bond. While few would dispute the health benefits of breastfeeding for both mom and baby, not everyone wants to witness this lactating lovefest.

"I am all for breastfeeding. It is the most natural thing a mother can do. But I also believe in some sort of decorum," says Monica, who is childless by choice. Monica recalls feeling very uncomfortable in a grocery store when a mother of twins promptly latched on her little ones by lifting up her T-shirt and letting it all hang out. "I know it is food for your baby. But it's completely unnecessary to whip out your big boobs while standing next to me in the grocery checkout line. It is also unnecessary for you to glare at me when I cast you a dirty look. Hello? Ever heard of a blanket?!," said Monica.

Should standards of decency exist when it comes to feeding mama's milk?

"People aren't doing this to be exhibitionists," says Andi Silverman, author of the book "Mama Knows Breast" and the blog, mamaknowsbreast.com. "Nobody wants to expose themselves. They want to feed their baby and do it in a way that's comfortable for them and is respectful of the general public." Andi believes there are some places where breastfeeding is not appropriate, but in general, "given the choice, most people would rather not hear a hungry baby crying. Feed the baby and the crying stops," said Andi.

A whole cottage industry has cropped up in the business of covering up. There are designers devoted to selling nursing shirts, tank tops, and dresses. The loudly colored nursing smocks go by names like Hooter Hiders, Bebe Au Lait, and Lila Bean. The covers are a great solution for the mom who may feel too modest to nurse in public or would otherwise choose not to breastfeed because of issues involving her breasts. The accessories are a simple way to take care of your baby's business without making it anyone else's business. 

Is breastfeeding toddlers healthy -- or wrong?

Nursing toddlers raises the debate to a whole other level. There's more public acceptance of nursing infants who rely on their mother's milk for all nutritional needs. But once they've got teeth and are eating solid food, nursing becomes more of a comfort food than a staple. Witnessing children who can "help themselves" and actually request it by name can make strangers a bit squeamish. "If a kid can ask for the boob -- it's time to wean. I'm sorry but breastfeeding is for infants, not your 2-year-old," says Monica.

While that may be the public's perspective, "nursing toddlers is very common," said Andi, who adds, "This is about mothers doing what they think is best for their baby's growth and development. It's not a choice about the mom, it's a choice about their baby." The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life. At six months, other foods should complement breastfeeding for up to two years or more.

"Lactivists" and the Breastfeeding Promotion Act of 2009

These days, bashing breastfeeding can land you in hot water. HBO's Bill Maher sparked a frenzy in the blogosphere when he criticized public nursing on a segment of "Real Time with Bill Maher."

"Yes, breastfeeding activists, called lactivists, say this is a human right and appropriate everywhere because it's natural. Well, so is masturbating, but I generally don't do that at Applebee's ... Look, there's no principle at work here other than being too lazy to either plan ahead or cover up. It's not fighting for a right, it's fighting for the spotlight you will surely get when you go all Janet Jackson on everyone and get to drink in the 'oohs' and 'ahhs' from the other customers because you made a baby, something a dog can do."

While Maher's rant borders on the absurd, it appears that "lactivists" are indeed a force to be reckoned with. Congress is considering a bill called the Breastfeeding Promotion Act of 2009. Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) and Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-OR) introduced the bill earlier this month that would protect breastfeeding mothers under the 1964 Civil Rights Act. If passed into law, it would require employers with 50 employees or more to provide private spaces and time off during the workday for moms to pump milk.


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Comments 1-10 of 92
  • __A_YAHOO_USER__'s Avatar
    Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Wed Jul 8, 2009 1:20pm PDT

    WoW Wut R U Creal WoW

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  • Sesame seed's Avatar
    Posted by Sesame seed Wed Jul 8, 2009 1:32pm PDT

    My partner has a daughter who decided to whip the tit out at the local pool to breast feed her 2 yr old. It just happened a colleague/friend of mine was there with her husband and 2 children for swimming lessons that day and mentioned how the mother didnt even cover her chest while doing this perfectly natural deed.

    I strongly believe if your going to pull your boob out to feed the baby, you should do it in privacy. I personally believe its a great thing to breast feed, but I call what she did laziness. She didnt have to put her 2 yr old who should have been weaned on the boob at the pool.

    I never breast fed in public and I dont think its appropriate.

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  • Mary Frei's Avatar
    Posted by Mary Frei Wed Jul 8, 2009 2:41pm PDT

    Breastfeeding should be done in private or covered up. And, a kid that is old enough to crawl up on his mom's lap, unbutton her blouse himself, and pull the breast our is TOO OLD to be nursing. I had a lady tell me once that her 7 year old still nursed at night. I think that is child abuse...

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  • Molly M's Avatar
    Posted by Molly M Wed Jul 8, 2009 2:45pm PDT

    When you're going out, pump it into a freaking bottle. Then everyone's happy.

    I don't give a rat's butt if you're breastfeeding your kid in public or not, but I hate how smug people are about it. It's like they WANT everyone to look so we all know that they're superior parents. (And no, I don't have or want kids, so I'm not being defensive about my parenting skills.)

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  • DCFC's Avatar
    Posted by DCFC Wed Jul 8, 2009 2:48pm PDT

    I plan on breastfeeding after I have my baby but I would never think to do it in public. I don't need that kind of attention, and I would much rather breast feed at home or somewhere private than whipping out a boob in public. If you must breastfeed in public, almost everywhere has public bathrooms. Besides, isn't that what breast pumps are for?

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  • princess1's Avatar
    Posted by princess1 Wed Jul 8, 2009 3:04pm PDT

    I agree, breastfeeding should be discreet, especially when other people's children are around. Yes, it's natural an beautiful but it shouldn't be imposed upon the general public, especially if other parents feel strongly that their children should not be exposed to strangers' breasts. It's a very intimate act between mother and child.

    And as the article pointed out, there are many tops that can be worn to provide privacy.

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  • Doktor Eevol's Avatar
    Posted by Doktor Eevol Wed Jul 8, 2009 3:11pm PDT

    So, let me get this straight.

    A baby starts crying, and people tsk loudly and complain about the baby crying. After all, you didn't get on the plane/go to the supermarket/insert whatever here to hear a baby crying. It's such an inconvenience to you isn't it?

    A woman feeds her baby, to get it to stop crying, it's "gross" to see her boob (but it's ok for celebs to wear pasties and juveniles like Miley Cyrus to pose in provocative jail bait photo shoots).

    But if a woman doesn't breastfeed, she's wasting nature's formula supply. She should pump her boobs, which from what a friend of mine told me, can be pretty painful.

    So yeah, mothers can do nothing right unless they are putting themselves out one way or another. Way to go for treating mothers like crap. We're blaming lack of cultural morals for the decay of society, but not the treatment of mothers and kids. Huh.

    And no, not everywhere has public bathrooms.

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  • Cindy Seattle's Avatar
    Posted by Cindy Seattle Wed Jul 8, 2009 3:15pm PDT

    Ugh!

    I have a child and I did breast feed, but I don't hang out my boobs any other time, why do it just because there is a baby attached?

    Who wants or needs to see that?

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  • erin's Avatar
    Posted by erin Wed Jul 8, 2009 3:31pm PDT

    I'm sorry but Doktor Eevol 8 not everyone likes to sit next to the lady whos breast feeding, unless she's covering her self up. Our mothers and Grandmothers managed to feed us and do things without doing this in public. I don't enjoy having dinner and looking over to see some woman and her wailing baby with her tit in it's mouth, it's distracting and yeah I know your child needs food but not everyone shares YOUR idea of public breastfeeding. I understand you mommies are soooooooooo tired from your babies but get up go to the bathroom or better yet suck it up and pump pump pump. Or GET A BABY SITTER and leave bottles of FORMULA at home, I'm sure formula for a few hours won't kill your child. I may be liberal but I don't enjoy seeing your swollen mommy tit when I'm eating my dinner or out shopping.

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  • desiree's Avatar
    Posted by desiree Wed Jul 8, 2009 3:38pm PDT

    I've breastfed 3 kids. It is a very hard to commit to such a tedious task. Tons of mothers I've talked to, started in the first week or so, but then quit. Probably because of arrogant people, like the ones who left thier comments on this page. I mean come on people it's a frickin' boob, like no one has ever seen a BOOB before!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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