Parenting

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Drawing the friendship-line between teens and adults

In our informal, tech-savvy culture, experts are noticing a change in how teens are interacting with adults in charge, like teachers or bosses.  Technology is changing the rules of etiquette so rapidly that most people do not know what is right, wrong, too professional or too friendly anymore. Teens are now communicating with adults in charge through the same medium as they do their friends, resulting in a somewhat confusing balance of power.

When adults open themselves in a personal way to younger counterparts, the lines are easily blurred. Though teachers, coaches, or bosses may act friendly, when the adult thinks the child has crossed the line, the can use authority to penalize them. Keep a look out for red flags and be sure your child is complying within the boundaries:

•    When communicating with adults, do not use alias’ that can be misconstrued or later used against you in case the situation or relationship were to suddenly change.
•    Although we live in a tech-savvy culture, warn your teen of the dangers of using cell phones or the computer too much to communicate. On a professional level when seeking an internship, job, or even recommendation, it easily reads as immature or in some cases over-eager and can give the wrong impression.
•    Don’t ask to “friend” adults or text or IM them until a clear-cut cue is given that this is alright.
•    Furthermore, if this does occur, make sure your teen’s address to the adult in question is professional, only discuss the business at hand, and limit contact to business hours.
•    Remind them that these rules go both ways. If an adult ever crosses the line or makes them feel uncomfortable with being too open, they should not be embarrassed to speak up and set boundaries.

Related: From kissing to "sexting," today's hook-up culture is changing how teens think about relationships.

Although it is often necessary to draw a line between professional and personal relationship, feeling comfortable with adults can be beneficial. Forging a relationship with an adult your child respects can be helpful—so long as the adult is acting as a mentor and not a pal. It’s important to consider that the better a teacher understands their interests, strengths, and personality, the stronger the recommendation or advice will be.

Read more about the confusing relationships that can form between teens and adults.


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Comments 1-10 of 11
  • another hockey fan's Avatar
    Posted by another hockey fan Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:52am PDT

    If there is so much concern over texting and IM, why not get a phone that doesn't contain or allow those features? Too bad if your kids hate it because you don't let them have what other kids do. They should be thankful just to have a cell phone that THEY don't have to pay for.

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  • Joshua's Avatar
    Posted by Joshua Wed Aug 19, 2009 10:54am PDT

    how do you know if a girl likes bad boys

    Report Abuse
  • ♥♥bookworm♥♥'s Avatar
    Posted by ♥♥bookworm♥♥ Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:02pm PDT

    I've seen this at my school -- a lot of students in the band are facebook friends with our band director. I find it kinda weird, you know?

    Report Abuse
  • Meena's Avatar
    Posted by Meena Thu Aug 20, 2009 3:42pm PDT

    this article is stupid. summary: put an age limit on friendships and make sure the adult is always in power. those concerned with how much power they have over other individuals have an insecurity they need to look into-- not manipulate people they consider below them.

    there are much worse things that happen through texting and facebook like crippling social skills or even sexual assult. write an article on that.

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  • Mariah's Avatar
    Posted by Mariah Thu Aug 20, 2009 4:49pm PDT

    There are some teachers out there who WANT kids to be friends with them. I know that I have had several teachers that by the end of the year I found I was really close to, but we were never like they mention in this article. Currently I have one teacher who says "You have to be out of this high school before you can friend me on Facebook" which I think is a good rule. To another hockey fan, I personally didn't get a phone until about 3 months ago. I am really greatful for it but I only communicate with it through texting. Teens don't call any more unless they specifically feel they need to talk to the person.

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  • Roxy's Avatar
    Posted by Roxy Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:05pm PDT

    Personally, I think dating just for money is absolutely stupid. Yes, money is important, but if you have to fake love to get it, then you really need to dig a bit further in your soul to find out who you really are because you are not fooling anyone but yourself. THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL! As far as kids are concerned, and texting; well you will just have to learn to trust your kids and stop being so over-protective. They have to learn at some point. They can't get pregnant or make babies on the phone. So get a grip and trust! If worse comes to worse, stop paying the darn bill and make them pay for it. I'll bet ya they learn then. Oh! and if you're hiring, HOLLA! I am a real person and can definetly be trusted. Mother or 2 teen's , so knowledge is def there. LOL...Have a great evening eveyone. GOODnight!

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  • Roxy's Avatar
    Posted by Roxy Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:18pm PDT

    Don't forget to pray before you go to bed, you don't know if you will wake up in the morning! God Bless!

    Report Abuse
  • Sangay's Avatar
    Posted by Sangay Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:28am PDT

    Do good be good and say good to others then only soceity will accept you as good person.

    Report Abuse
  • Miss's Avatar
    Posted by Miss Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:42pm PDT

    I think it's good to be comfortable around adults, but don't get too personal.

    BTW, the iPhone has some pretty good parental controls, so you can block whatever features you feel are innappropriate. http://www.computersncs.com/rd_p?p=191273&t=9534&a=4369-shine&gift=29670

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  • aye aye's Avatar
    Posted by aye aye Sat Aug 22, 2009 4:54pm PDT

    Most adults looking to take advantage of kids pretend to be kids online-there is no real point in setting "age limits". Telling kids not to friend anyone they don't recognize and know (to be of the same age) is the only way.

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