Do we say "No!" too much?

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  Posted by Mrs. Carol B Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:30am PDT

  Every child is different. Some are strong willed and need a bit more understanding and redirecting. Others are more compliant with how the family flows. These are called the "easy" to be around kids. Whatever you do, keep it directed toward the child individually. A simple "no" works for some; others need a short explanation of why it's not safe or appropriate to do what they want at that time. Kids are smarter than most people think. It's up to the adults to see the problem that will arise and take action before to avoid it and make the day go better. When going to the grocery store either give the child something he/she likes to play with or eat or just go down the "Candy Free Aisle". Sometimes the simple solution is right in front of your face. Raised two children and 4 grandchildren so I do have experience in these matters. Good luck!

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  Posted by Robyn Sat Jul 11, 2009 1:59pm PDT

  i use "not ok" and " not yours" if you say "no" you generally have to explain why

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  Posted by fools_and_sages Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:56pm PDT

  Toddlers have very little reasoning capability. That is why they will take no for an answer temporarily and then return to doing whatever is was you didn't want them to do ten minutes later. If you buy into the idea that discipline should only be done through time-out or only through gentle verbal cues, then your kid will eventually be one of THOSE terrors that drive everybody crazy in public with temper tantrums and talking over you, etc.

  Basically, "Sweetie, don't pull kitty's tail because it hurts kitty and kitty will hurt you." is a level of reasoning and logic that most children under 3 will not understand. You are better off saying no and taking their hand to teach them to pet kitty nicely. Or, for that matter, the second time the kid pulls the cat's tail, let the cat swat and/or scratch the kid. Sounds cut-throat, I know-- but most cats will only swat once or twice before they run away and the child will probably never pull the cat's tail again. In fact, the cat's method is a thousand times more effective than Mom repeating NO over and over and over again.

  So the grandmother who takes a step-by-step method ( No. Then No and a diaper or hand swat. No and time-out), is more right than most of you. It's called aversion therapy-- because the child experiences something unpleasant to them when they have done something they are no supposed to. It teaches them there are consequences for actions and THAT is one of the MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS a child can learn. And they should learn it early.

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  Posted by Mommy Sat Jul 11, 2009 10:41pm PDT

  As stupid as it may sound I say Mommy said no or Daddy said no. I don't have any illusions that I'm not constanly saying no, I have twins that are going to be two in a week and a 4 year old as well, I could almost swear that I whisper the word No in my sleep. As for do I use it too much...NO. I realize that many people think it unkind but NO followed by the child I 'm addressings name works better than anything else. I'm also go with IT MAKES BLEEDING, for things that hurt, that one makes them stop NOW.

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  Posted by L.B. Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:20am PDT

  "That's owie???" I always use stupid phrases like that in my adult life....what in the heck is wrong with saying something intelligent to the child - and speak to him/her like he/she is an actual intelligent human being?

  How about "DANGER"? Worked for us every time. The word "danger" stopped our kids in their tracks. And it's an actual intelligent word that conveys alot in one word....

  Saying "no" is an important part of a parent's job. Too many kids these days are overindulged - Mommy & Daddy don't want to do the hard work and be PARENTS - they want to be Scooter's "pal, buddy, friend". But the thing is - we don't get that luxury until we're done raising them. We have to be the bosses, the protectors - the advocates. Not their friends.

  I will agree, it's a good thing to use other phrases at times for toddlers/preschoolers - at the very least it can broaden their vocabulary. But no is simple and to the point.

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  Posted by janet Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:14pm PDT

  Yes, I think that saying "no" too much is a lazy way to behavior management. It is retroactive rather then proactive parenting skills and is an inefficient for developing self-confidence, initiative and independent thinking skills of right and wrong. Unless a child is about to do something that would cause physical injury, it is more helpful to re-direct the behavior onto positive / pro-social activity. This requires active parenting intervention and has the best outcome for long-term positive behavior. Repetitively saying "no" also desensitizes the impact of no (ie diminishing its effectiveness when seriously needed)

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  Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:58pm PDT

  my niece is only 1 and she already says no

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  Posted by Jonalyn Sat Aug 1, 2009 5:40pm PDT

  There comes a time when my toddler try to go upstair by himself then when he turns back at me, i said "NO". Then he smiled and slowly he hold my arms and i know that he already knows what gonna might happen. So saying no is ok unless you use it in a nice way.

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