when you are in hell, keep walking.

 i have to leave to Oregon for two weeks today.i have to say im not nearly as thrilled as some people would like to believe. i am to go to my mom's house for a week (a.k.a. :hell), then to my aunts.


    my mother and i have a rather strained relationship. it is nothing new, it has been this way since she left when i was four. i was more or less a motherless child for five years after that when she came back at the time i was nine years old. she says she left because she had to. when my parents were getting divorced apparently my family including my mom's side supported my dad. so she ran to Idaho. my dad is the best person i could ever ask for to have raised me. he is the most amazing parent. even when he disciplines me i can never say i hate him. i can soundly say i am very fortunate to be his daughter. my mom's family still loves him as if he were their son. he gets invited to all the family functions as well. my mom and dad get along pretty well i guess.


   but we have decided to try not to have me hang around her very much because of the type of person she is. she is mostly is a lying manipulative person. this is not the person i want to become. i am going to be a well rounded, smart individual with set plans and goals. im not saying she is stupid, because she is in fact one of the smartest people i know. beside that, i ended up making the same mistake she did when i was her age:sex. i had no idea until she found out that she made the same choice. i realize what i have done was very bad and frowned upon by society, and i request future understanding and forgiveness from all who were emotionally hurt by my actions. i have definatly learned my lesson. it really hit me when i saw the sadness and disappointment in my fathers eyes. i cant bear to see this again. which is why i made another decision to grow up, face my fears,acknowledge my mistakes, and grow as a person.


[  any of you out there who have done the same : tell me if you think it was a mistake, or not. explain.  i would love to hear your thoughts.  leave your comments in the comment section below. ]


  best,
       roo