Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I'M DREAMING OF SUICIDE BUT IT IS JUST AND ONLY A DREAM AND WONDERFUL DREAM.
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EVERYONE THINKS ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY DIED, THEY'D
WANT TO GO PEACEFULLY THEY'D WANT TO LET THEIR FAMILY KNOW THEY
LOVE THEM. HELL IF I WAS GOING TO DIE SOON I'D SPEND EACH AND
EVERY SECOND WITH MY SON HIDDEN IN THE MOUNTAINS SOMEWHERE
AWAY FROM THIS MESS OF A WORLD WE HAVE CREATED. SADLY NO ONE KNOWS
WHEN THEIR GOING TO DIE UNLESS THE PLAN A SUICIDE. IF I WAS GOING
TO KILL MYSELF IT WOULD BE A TWO DAY PROCESS, I'D SPEND THE
FIRST DAY WITH MY SON OF COURSE TELLING HIM HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM,
TAKE HIM TO THE PARK, HOLD HIM I'D WRITE HIM A LETTER FOR WHEN
HE'S OLDER, I'D TELL HIM I LOVE HIM AND OTHER THINGS, TELL
HIM MY DEATH WASN'T HIS FAULT, AND BY THEN I'M SURE
HE'D LIKE TO KNOW WHO IS DADDY IS, I'D TELL HIM HIS DAD WAS
A BAD BAD MAN, WHO LIKED TO DO BAD THINGS TO YOUNG GIRLS
BECAUSE HE WAS ANGRY AND HURT ABOUT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO HIM IN
CHILDHOOD. THOUGH I'M NOT SURE IF THAT WOULD BE TRUE. IN FACT
ALL I KNOW IS THAT HIS DADDY IS AN EVIL b------ IN A TRUCK AND
THAT'S ALL I KNOW ABOUT HIM. THEN THE NEXT DAY I WOULD PUT A
DRESS THE ONE I WORE FOR MY COUSIN GLORIA'S WEDDING, SHE WAS
AND IS MY BEST FRIEND SOMEONE TRUE TO ME NEVER HURT ANYONE AND
SHE'S THE ONLY ONE BESIDE MY SON WHEN I LOOK INTO HER EYES I
KNOW SHE LOVES ME WITH ALL HER HEART AND SOUL, I LOVE HER AND I
HOPE HER AND HER HUSBAND ARE HAPPY FOREVER AND EVER. THEN I GUESS
TO STOP THE DRAMA AND JUST END IT I WOULD DRINK A WHOLE LOT OF
TEQUILA TO THIN MY BLOOD AND SLIT MY WRISTS IN MY BEDROOM. OF
COURSE I CAN NOT COMMIT SUICIDE AND WILL NOT, I LOVE MY SON TO MUCH
BUT WITHOUT HIM I'VE BEEN DEAD A LONG TIME AGO MY BABY'S
KEEPING ME ALIVE AND HE MIGHT NOT EVER KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T
HAVE TO I LOVE MY SON AND LIFE IS A CRUEL b---- AND EVIL HORRIBLE
THING BUT ONCE AGAIN I LOVE MY SON AND THAT'S ENOUGH TO KEEP ME
LIVING.
Related: true, tranquil, suicide, serenity, love, hell, hate, fate, butterfly
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Posted by Tosca Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:49pm PDT
In the end all there is is God and his Love and if you have that you have everything. When everything is down and you are struggling, people aren't always there as they are dealing with their own struggles.
Yes, spend as much time with your children and spouse as you can. Your children grow up far too fast and time flys far too fast as you get older. People sit around waiting for a miracle without realizing every nano second of our lives is a miracle. Nova had a great program years ago on how the body functions and it is amazing how our bodies function and we just take it for granted.
Even from biblical times the world has always been screwed up. Nothing has changed. The good news is you can empower yourself and change and sort thru your priorities and take action. Hang in there. Nothng and no one is worth committing suicide. Look around at the trees, mountains, flowers, birds, wild life. God has given us all of this to add beauty to our lives. Look at sunrises and sunsets, watch the light flicker among the tree branches and leaves. Listen to the sound of children laughing at play. These are all blessing to help us thru the difficult times. Stay strong and stay tough. You will make it and be blessed along the way.
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