Sunday, November 29, 2009

Guys, aren't you just furious?



My husband has been saying this for a long time now, and I'm beginning to notice it more and more. Everywhere, movies, TV commercials and radio spots, you see men depicted as ditzy, inept and foolish. This really bothers me. Where I notice it most is on radio commercials where there is usually a 30 second ad-skit and the guy always, without fail, comes out looking like a total idiot. The woman, on the otherhand comes across as domineering, overpowering and of course, light years ahead of him intellectually.

This is embarrassing to me, and as the mother of 4 males, 2 of which are already young men, this has me concerned for them and how they end up perceiving themselves and how others might perceive them as well. I asked my husband why he gets so angry when he witnesses these things. Is it because they makes him feel less masculine and stupid, and his response to me was no. He doesn't feel his masculinity is threatened, because he grew up feeing secure in his skin because of the way society was. Instead, he is concerned for young guys growing up with the new stigma of being a ditz-that women somehow have it all figured out, and if it weren't for women, men would be walking around aimlessly, like blubbering idiots wondering what to do next, until a woman came along to direct them. That might sound a little exaggerated, but I get his point none the less.

Have any of you noticed this? I personally hate it. On the other hand, I didn't like it that women in the past were generally treated as sexy twits, who were seemingly born to serve men, to take care of their every want and need. That, as we all know, was the general way women were portrayed in the past, and are still today. There needs to be some balance representing the sexes. Generally speaking, I don't like the perception out there that says for me to rise to my full potential, I have to step on a man's head on the way up and cause him humiliation. I want to get there on my own terms, and I don't need to make a man feel dumb to achieve my goals, or more importantly, to prove I'm worthy and smart.

My husband is very quick to pick up a plot leading in that direction, and he gets so pissed off at what he's seeing that most of the time, he can't go on and enjoy the rest of the movie. Lately, it's as if the woman is always coming out on top and it makes the man look stupid while she's getting there. For some reason, she's got to out smart the guy, or come out the superior one. It doesn't seem like the men are the smart ones anymore in movies, unless it's a male dominated cast, then there might be a brilliant or lucky guy who is the hero. I don't have a problem with women being portrayed to be smarter than guys, because, let's face it, just like there are some ditzy gals out there, there is an equal amount of stupid men out there to match them. What I don't like is how it is rubbed in our face. When it comes down to it, there's many brilliant guys and just as many intelligent women. In the movies and commercials, as in life, there absolutely needs to be balance. I don't want my kids to grow up with this mentality that society is feeding us and end up being immasculated or disparaged by women. Just like I wouldn't want my daughter to be around chauvinistic or condescending men, it's not right that women are taking on this attitude toward the opposite sex.

As a woman, in my opinion, it's not sexy to be with a ditzy guy. I like men to be tall, dark, handsome, strong, smart and protective. Sorry if that isn't very women's libby. I'm not a feminist, I guess. Maybe I'm just a traditionalist with a twist.  Let's face it, if women are witty enough to out smart men in the movies and sometimes in real life, than we should be clever enough to use our brains to do it in such a way that the guys don't feel like we're rubbing it in their faces. Now, that's a savy chick. Imagine, we'd just leave them standing there, all stunned, but feeling smart anyway. Com'on Hollywood, I challenge you!

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Comments 1-10 of 33
  • Beth's Avatar
    Posted by Beth Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:31pm PDT

    This has bothered me for some time now. I actually wrote a whole paper about it in college for a sociology class. The man is always the foolish oaf who can't do anything (except work outside the home of course) and the woman is the overbearing, domineering b**** who runs the household, maybe she works, maybe she doesn't, but she's always very buys and harried and bitter to the bone about it. Advertising has about 3 decades to go catching up with real society.

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  • kavekarst's Avatar
    Posted by kavekarst Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:37pm PDT

    I'm not furious.

    There is a difference between ditzy productions and real life.

    Men usually know which one has more posture and less practice.

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  • Shelley's Avatar
    Posted by Shelley Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:50pm PDT

    I appreciate your article (blog). There seems to be this unspoken conspiracy towards belittling the male/authority figure. God has placed man in a leadership position and holds him responsible for guiding and protecting them. Obviously, you are already practicing this and preparing your young men well. Satan has always attacked God's plan since the beginning. What these men bashers don't get is that this hierarchy works. I certainly can't handle all of the stress that my husband can, nor do I want to. I am a college grad and yet, I love the fact that my husband is the rock of our relationship. I'm proud that my sons have taken the lead and have wonderful wives in support of them. I pray my grandsons will continue to carry the same Christian principles.

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  • Annie and Specialist Of The US Army's Avatar
    Posted by Annie and Specialist Of The US Army Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:52pm PDT

    for the most part I agree with you but you made acomment that makes it sound like you do feel the same way that hollywood does about women being so much better than men.Didn't care for that much but he rest of it is what I have been saying for years. People like to feel good about them selves for any reason. The ones that get to me are the reasons that they have no control over such as sex and race. In my opinion they must not have anything else in thier corner to brag about so they come up with stupid "facts", that have not even been proven, to support thier claims of superiority.

    I like you.

    Rev.Nelson

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  • mighty_mouse's Avatar
    Posted by mighty_mouse Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:04pm PDT

    i'm not so sure that i've witnessed such a thing, although i'm sure it exists.

    to be honest, if any gender if depicted as ditzy, it's usually women.

    therefore, it does not concern me at all, whatsoever, that men be occasionally depicted in that light as well.

    it evens the playing field as far as i'm concerned. they were long over due for it.

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  • NO NAME's Avatar
    Posted by NO NAME Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:06pm PDT

    lets us face it,we have a identity problen,used be a man can compliment a woman(u look nice)or open the door for them,now they need sensativity training,i wouldnt be caugt dead in the clothes some men wear,yes it called dumbing down of men,,gessssssssss i need sensativity traing ha ha -yeah right

    my g/f allways teases me,but admit she love this old fashin redneck cowboy

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  • Elle's Avatar
    Posted by Elle Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:17am PDT

    HawkLady wrote:

    "I appreciate your article (blog). There seems to be this unspoken conspiracy towards belittling the male/authority figure. God has placed man in a leadership position and holds him responsible for guiding and protecting them."

    All I can say to that is... eew? I thought that attitude died somewhere around the middle ages with the bubonic plague.

    As for the post, I certainly wouldn't want men to think its okay to get away with being ditzy, the same way I don't want women to think that bleach blond hair and wide puppy eyes will buy them the universe. I don't want a man who thinks he's the boss of me, I don't want a drooling idiot either. I want an equal. After all that is the ideal: equality despite race, gender and creed.

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  • Tarjia's Avatar
    Posted by Tarjia Fri Sep 12, 2008 5:20am PDT

    I appreciate your post and your intention. I relate to this because I experience the portrayal of blacks in the media as being similarly non-inclusive.

    Movies, TV, billboards, etc. for the most part, have African-Americans shown as fat, unintelligent, violent, slap-sticky, caricatures of folks I see in the malls or in other media, but I have rarely seen anyone representing a normal, positive, middle-class, book-reading, self-aware person of color balance that perception.

    I commute to work for about an hour during the week. It really gets to me when I listen to books written by a white person, and also narrated by a white person, when the following happens.

    While reading the story, the narrator gets to create the voice of a black person. The male sound is always of some guy whose voice is low and gravelly, uses broken english, and sounds like he just got out of jail. The females sound like the old Jamie Foxx Sha Nae Nae character. Is that really how we sound?? I think not, at least not in my circle, and it's insulting.

    It's a pity to know that as wonderfully creative and talented as many authors, writers, and narrators whose books I have otherwise enjoyed are, they are still too narrow-minded to actually go out and meet some real black people. If they did, they could have a real experience of one as a friend, or at least an acquaintance. This connection seems to be obviously missing.

    No, I don't like to see men portrayed as stupid, I don't want any group of people to be shown in mass media as one way, particularly when that way does not lift up that group and show what is great about them, as well as what could be improved.

    It's not that I don't see some truth in these portrayals either, I just want a little balance.

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  • Artdiva's Avatar
    Posted by Artdiva Fri Sep 12, 2008 5:37am PDT

    I didn't even think of the black aspect when I was writing this. You are correct. In fact, the only black man I can think of off the top of my head who always comes across very smart is Denzel Washington. He has an aura of brainyness and compassion I don't see in other actors as much.

    This is a very interesting point. It looks like society still has a way to go striking balance in the media. Thank you for your point.

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  • Jennies's Avatar
    Posted by Jennies Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:08am PDT

    Actually, my husband just mentioned this to me about a week ago, how all the men in the commercials seem like they can't do anything correctly, especially when it comes to using appliances, cleaning supplies, etc. I think he felt a little insulted, and frankly, I can't blame him. Hello! Equality, not female superiority!

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