Work + Money

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Would you respect a "stay-at-home wife"?

Getty Images

Getty Images

According to the experts who study these things, more and more married women are opting out of the work force when their financial situation allows it, even with no kids to care for. What are they doing with their time? Whatever they want - including charity work, creative projects, even immersing themselves in traditional domestic activities such as baking, sewing, gardening, etc.

Are these women rejecting everything feminism has worked so hard to achieve? Maybe. Daniel Buccino, a social worker and psychotherapist at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, calls such women the ultimate "status symbols," since their lifestyle alerts the rest of the world that the husband makes enough money for the both of them. And the men involved in these arrangements are often happy because, instead of sharing chores equally, their stay-at-home wives manage the domestic front themselves. Look, I would never judge another woman's choices. But I have to say, it would probably give me pause if one of my daughters came to me in twenty years and told me that all she wanted was to spend her days cooking, cleaning and basically taking care of her husband.

And, apparently, I'm not alone. The debate is raging at Babble.com over whether such "stay-at-home wives" are wasting their minds and their educations, or whether more women would choose to be "kept" by their husbands if only said husbands could afford to do so.
Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 253
  • Nini Poo's Avatar
    Posted by Nini Poo Wed Aug 6, 2008 12:09pm PDT

    Hmmmmm, you're being a little hypocritical I think... In one sentance you're saying: "What are they doing with their time? Whatever they want - including charity work, creative projects, even immersing themselves in traditional domestic activities such as baking, sewing, gardening, etc."

    In another sentance you say: "stay-at-home wives are wasting their minds and their educations".

    So if a woman decides to do work that generates no income, i.e. charity work, sewing, etc., she is wasting her education? I don't think so. If my husband made enough money to support both of us, I would most certain quit my paper pushing admin job and go out into the world to do something that makes a difference!! I'd join Habitat for Humanity and build houses for the poor, or I'd volunteer at the ASPCA, or something! Trust, most women do not sit on the couch eating bon-bons and watching soaps like you may think. Some do probably, but not most.

    If my job was the higher paying one and my husband could leave his job and do charity work or something else that didn't necessarily bring in an income, would you think he was wasting his time and education?

    The Woman's Rights Movement was not so we can put all women in the work place. It was to give women just as many rights as a man. A person's choice to work for dollars versus emotional/mental satisfaction does not indicate a wasted education. Education is so overrated anyways.

    One more question... If a woman stays at home and gardens, is she less important than a person whose profession is to garden? Uh, NO!

    Report Abuse
  • springtime's Avatar
    Posted by springtime Wed Aug 6, 2008 3:44pm PDT

    Interesting. I saw a documentary about women working in their 70's and 80's at low paying jobs. Checkers at grocery stores, dishwasers, etc.

    They stayed home and raised children while their husbands worked. Therefore , they never paid anything into Social Security. These women became widows, collecting some of their husbands' pensions.. but not enough to live on.

    So at 65 and older, many had to try to enter the work force with no previous work history. Some were fortunate enough to be taken in by their children. But many were not.

    It's not just about respect. It's about looking ahead to the future and making certain there are retirement benefits and investments if the husband dies first.

    Report Abuse
  • Jonalyn B's Avatar
    Posted by Jonalyn B Wed Aug 6, 2008 11:08pm PDT

    for me its better to do together from my experience in life of all the years doing this work,study and take care my family with the support of my husband...now im so bless.. financially is stable..and me and my husband always inspiring to teach my children combined this all work,study and household chores is gud..juzt enjoy life...try it no matter its harder and harder but someday youll be happy....and this days no need to be at home all the time..even your husband has a enough money to give all what you need... the most important things is combined all of this and you enjoy it...in behalf of my experience in life...

    Report Abuse
  • Jonalyn B's Avatar
    Posted by Jonalyn B Wed Aug 6, 2008 11:16pm PDT

    for me its better to do together from my experience in life of all the years doing this work,study and take care my family with the support of my husband...now im so bless.. financially is stable..and me and my husband always inspiring to teach my children combined this all work,study and household chores is gud..juzt enjoy life...try it no matter its harder and harder but someday youll be happy....and this days no need to be at home all the time..even your husband has a enough money to give all what you need... the most important things is combined all of this and you enjoy it...in behalf of my experience in life...

    Report Abuse
  • kiac73's Avatar
    Posted by kiac73 Wed Aug 6, 2008 11:57pm PDT

    I think managing a house is a 24hr job & it's not easy,it's a business in itself. I guess becuase women don't earn a salary for it some men think that it must be a cake walk. When most people are clockin out at 5pm, the stay at home wife still has about 4 more hours to go. I think if a woman stays home to manage the house and or take care of the kids, then her husband should make sure he's payin into a social security account for her, providin health benifits and has a good life insurance plan just in case something happens to him. Sounds fair to me.

    Report Abuse
  • Colin's Avatar
    Posted by Colin Thu Aug 7, 2008 12:06am PDT

    Everyone deserves respect, regardless of occupation or lifestlye so long as their carbon footprint isn't over 500k. And so long as they're not complete jerks.

    Report Abuse
  • virginiaeneejeh's Avatar
    Posted by virginiaeneejeh Thu Aug 7, 2008 1:46am PDT

    Well for me, stay-at-home wife has its advantages and disadvantages in the since that though when wife stays home helps in maintaining the upfront of the house and taking care of the kids despite no financially contribution but in this very society we are today, such stay home wife is not the best whether the husband is financially buoyant today because it may change tomorrow and before you know it divorce become the other of the day. In fact, these days, no man is ready for 100% responsibility for family well being that is why most men tends to get married to ready made wife who is ready to contribute to the family welfare.

    Report Abuse
  • shine's Avatar
    Posted by shine Thu Aug 7, 2008 1:56am PDT

    it makes a big difference for me...being a working mom for 21 yrs and now a stay at home mom with a little business i run.i can't imagine how i did it, being in the office 8 to 5 and taking care of 3 kids.my husband is abroad most of the times.

    the kids are now grown up, 17, 13 and 10 yrs old and i decided to quit my job and be there when they get home from school. but the big thing is that i feel i get more closer to my husband. before when he's home from abroad, we only see each other beyond my office hour, so he spent most of his time with friends even when im already at home, we seldom talk...now he is with me all the times when hes on vacation from his work...im forever grateful and happy with my decision to be a stay at home wife

    Report Abuse
  • TamTam's Avatar
    Posted by TamTam Thu Aug 7, 2008 3:45am PDT

    Growing up all I wanted to do was stay at home to take care of my husband, the children we created, and manage the homefront for my hard-working husband. Well, be careful what you ask for. I am a stay-at-home wife/mom raising my own child from a previous marriage along with two more children the same age as mine from my now husband's previous marriage. No one informed me how incredibly hard this would be. Staying at home and taking care of everything and everyone in the home is a non-paying and more times than not, a non-rewarding "job". If I could change anything I would go back and just not be born because you only get tastes of what you would like for your own life, they rest is swallowing the worst possible tasting thing in life and having to smile while doing it.

    Report Abuse
  • dawn2143marie's Avatar
    Posted by dawn2143marie Thu Aug 7, 2008 4:03am PDT

    YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! What kind of education do YOU have? Do you have any children? It takes sacrifice to be a stay at home mother! Are you a moron or did you not get any attention from your mother as a child? From a woman who did it for 5yrs I can honestly say its easier to work and have some separation but isnt it lazy to let a stranger raise your kids-let someone else potty train let them see their first steps and words?! DUH!

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 253

leave your comment

You must sign in to post a comment

Sign In for personalized information

New User? Sign Up

work+money byte

"The meaning of the word 'integrity' may vary from person to person, but I understand it to mean something very specific: Acting in a way that is consistent with your values."