Work + Money

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  Posted by mild-one Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:40pm PDT

  I know where you are coming from. I have a question for you. Do you think that they are jealous because:

  1) you are younger than most of them or

  2) you are attractive

  I work for a very large company and whenever there is a vast amount of women working together, there seems to be "cliques". They will converse with each other about others. I, like you, spend most of my time in my office on the far side of the building so as to not get caught up in any of the "office politics". I have somehow managed to create really good rapports with a few of my co-workers and some that people that don't work in my department. I have found that some women are jealous of me but I have also found that there are a lot of women who appreciates beauty in others. I would tell you to continue to be yourself but don't try so hard to make light conversation with these people. Some of them will come around if they are stuck up. The most important advise of all is to stay away from the "gossip queens". They are counter-productive and seems to be out to uncover dirt on everyone (including their "friends").

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  Posted by cetannae Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:14am PDT

  It's hard to say. People tend to clam up into their cliques. I don't think you did anything wrong. Don't let it get to you. They just maybe have to have time to warm up to you. Hang in there and keep trying.

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  Posted by oyeamore Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:47am PDT

  I'm kinda going through the same thing. I moved form New Jersey to South Carolina; things are a little different here. I have made some friends but a lot of our interests are not the same. Which make me and them draw back a little. I believe it will take a little time.

  Wish you luck.

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  Posted by jessika447 Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:05pm PDT

  It must be the common office behavior because it seems as though many people can relate. I know I relate, when I saw the title of the post I got excited hoping to find answers but sadly... no.

  My trouble is that Im the youngest one in the office (fresh out of college) while everyone else is old enough to be my parents or are thinking about retirement. Ive had to seek out other departments to find a friend and even so, they all hang out on the weekends without me.

  I think its a process. I try to take lunch around the same time as people Id like to be friendly with and its paid off to where I eat lunch with them daily. Its all a gradual thing.

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  Posted by hooha Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:11pm PDT

  I felt the same way when I took a job in a new city 9 years ago and everyone seemed to have their own life after work but I was not a part of it. It seemed the only time we got together was a forced/mandatory happy hour that was work related, but I don't have children and most everyone I work around does, so that might be why they don't want to hang out or make time for me. I am finally leaving to go elsewhere, but in my 9 years of working w/ these very serious people, they did eventually warm up to me even if we did not hang out after hours. My husband makes wonderful treats around the holidays and that is what may have broken the ice finally. Good Luck to you and don't blame yourself, some people just need time to warm up and may still be grieving the loss of the person who's job position you filled.

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  Posted by Tess Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:18pm PDT

  I would LOVE that problem because I work in non profit and my experience is the exact opposite, Meaning they are all in your business wanting to know what you do after work hours, weekends, where you bought your purse, shoes, earrings, SALAD!!! LOL... Dont take it personal. People take a while to warm up to new folks. Use this time to your advantage to check them out and how they operate. You may discover some who you want to maintain limited interaction. Flip the script on them and dont waste time thinking "what Did I Do?" and more of "What are you about? In the mean time Be you, be comfortable, and let THEM wonder about you while you learn about them. Good Luck!

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  Posted by honey Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:20pm PDT

  know where you are coming from. I have a question for you. Do you think that they are jealous because:

  1) you are younger than most of them or

  2) you are attractive

  I felt the same way when I took a job in a new city 9 years ago and everyone seemed to have their own life after work but I was not a part of it. It seemed the only time we got together was a forced/mandatory happy hour that was work related, but I don't have children and most everyone I work around does, so that might be why they don't want to hang out or make time for me. I am finally leaving to go elsewhere, but in my 9 years of working w/ these very serious people, they did eventually warm up to me even if we did not hang out after hours. My husband makes wonderful treats around the holidays and that is what may have broken the ice finally. Good Luck to you and don't blame yourself, some people just need time to warm up and may still be grieving the loss of the person who's job position you filled.

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  Posted by honey Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:20pm PDT

  know where you are coming from. I have a question for you. Do you think that they are jealous because:

  1) you are younger than most of them or

  2) you are attractive

  I felt the same way when I took a job in a new city 9 years ago and everyone seemed to have their own life after work but I was not a part of it. It seemed the only time we got together was a forced/mandatory happy hour that was work related, but I don't have children and most everyone I work around does, so that might be why they don't want to hang out or make time for me. I am finally leaving to go elsewhere, but in my 9 years of working w/ these very serious people, they did eventually warm up to me even if we did not hang out after hours. My husband makes wonderful treats around the holidays and that is what may have broken the ice finally. Good Luck to you and don't blame yourself, some people just need time to warm up and may still be grieving the loss of the person who's job position you filled.

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  Posted by pcuser007us Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:37pm PDT

  You are new and outside their comfort zone. They have their cliques and thus they have had their little initiations. There is a trust and bond there. I totally understand your situation, believe me, but you can't walk right in and expect to have the same level of acceptance. And don't try so hard, it will repel some people.

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  Posted by ambi Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:45pm PDT

  Yeah, I know how you feel!

  Everyone I work with is 2 or 3 times older than me (i am 21 and a senior in college). It is hard. It has made me really think about being a bartender or something just to get away from people calling me "youngin" and the like. Plus, I am the secretary and that means that I automaticly get no respect. Lowest on the toadum pole. Trust me I am sympathetic, I still have yet to be asked to go on one of the group lunch outings or happy hour. I hate it!

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