Work + Money

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  Posted by Aurora Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:41am PDT

  people are out of control with their weddings. A wedding is simply a dinner party for your friends and family to celebrate and that it. its getting way out hand these days. There is no need for an engagement party, especially if the bride and groom expect gifts at every party they throw. There should be a bridal show or a bachelorette party, not both. (i mean how many parties does a couple really need to "celebrate"? is just a way to get more gifts). guys bachelors parties can be simple, like a camping tip, going to concert, sporting event or weekend away with a few of his best friends as a "last guys" weekend. It shouldn't be about getting so drunk that you don't even remember it. unless, your millionaires and your guests are too, having a destination wedding can even be too costly for many of your guests. that alone is enough without having all of those other parties. having a gift registry for you're new home is one thing, but singing up for the most expensive silver, china and crystal is out of control. a registry is a way to give the couple some things they need to help start them out on their own, not a way to make people buy the most expensive gifts for them. if the couple wants expensive gifts, they should buy it themselves when they have the money to replace the original stuff they started out with. So many couples are staring their marriage out in debt b/c of the expenses of the wedding and all of the parties their hosting. they should cut down on all of the parties, the number of people invited and do something small, rather than buying designer everything that they can't afford. its better to have a good marriage and be financial stable, than be in debt from the beginning.

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  Posted by JosieM111 Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:54am PDT

  Aurora you are right on. People are getting obnoxious about their wedding and expecting people to shell out big time bucks - especially when they are family.

  The last family wedding I was in cost me a small fortune.

  And, to boot, my brother and I were excluded from the photos.

  This was after shelling out gifts and cash for a "pre-shower" to the shower.

  I was never so insulted and applauded in all my life.

  Plus, what put me over the edge was the bride's attitude that she all this was EXPECTED.

  Two words people, LAS VEGAS.

  J.

  http://www.lifeofjosiem.com

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  Posted by mefh Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:52am PDT

  my wedding- a shower from my in-laws gave us some dishes. My mother-in-law gave me hand made coasters. A shower from the office that I worked at, gave me a few things. Rehersal dinner was held in the reception hall. I did all the decorations myself. My mom cooked ham and veggies and we had chips. Nothing fancy. The church and reception hall was free. All we had to do was clean up. My dress was used. My groomsmen and bridesmaids wore clothes that they already owned. Had disposable cameras on the tables so my guests could take pictures. My uncle let all the out of town relatives stay at his house and they had a cookout in the evening so no one had to go out to eat. The preacher was an old family friend. Bought fake flowers. It was a beautiful, simple wedding. Total cost- about 1,000.

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  Posted by Caramel Cake Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:06am PDT

  Those were some good tips. I have been invited to a wedding in about two weeks. All their gifts are registered to Bed Bath and Beyond and Target. I think I will probably buy the cheapest gift on the registry unles someone else beats me to it.

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  Posted by Mysterious Gryphon Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:47pm PDT

  I just want to say that all of these festivities are not just excuses for the couple to get gifts. Engagement parties and showers are thrown by the couple's parents, relatives, and friends, as a means of showing their love and excitement for the new couple.

  Gifts are NOT a part of an engagement party (even though many people believe they are) but are rather a chance to people to meet their cousin/neice/nephew's spouse-to-be in a more intimate setting than the wedding.

  Gifts are also NOT a part of a bachelor/bachelorette party, unless it is gag gift like a penis-shaped scepter or something like that. The point is for the bride or groom's friends to celebrate without being inhibited by Great Aunt Prudie's looking down her nose.

  The only event to which one is expected to bring a gift is an actual shower. This is when friends and family provide a young lady with the various items she will need for her new household and presumably cannot afford at such a young age.

  ALL of these events are thrown by people other than the bridal couple. If the couple is throwing the party, you can be sure it is for the purpose of garnering gifts and money - and I do NOT think you have to attend at all.

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  Posted by daytripper Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:15pm PDT

  out of control weddings--as a once regular viewer of "Bridezillas", I have decided my dream wedding is CITY HALL! I love the theatre and performing arts, but I hate, hate, HATE real-life dramas, especially if they're silly, immature, and unnecessary (not to mention pricey).

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  Posted by Aurora Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:37pm PDT

  some other good ideas: do not buy a gift for an engagement party. if you go to the shower get something small as a gift for the bride. it could be like a photo album or you coordinate with the other women. if the gifts that the couple registered for are too pricey for your budget then ask a close relative for ideas on what else they may need. you don't have to get them everything they registered for.. you can always get them a gift certificate to one of their favorite restaurants or to home depot/sears (they will always need stuff like appliances or items to fix up their home). some couples even let you donate to their honeymoon as well. if none of that works, you can always give a cash amount that is with in your price range. next, if your in the bridal party keep in mind of the expenses before you agree to be in the party. you will have to split the costs of possible the shower, and/or bachelorette party. pay for your dress, shoes, hair, makeup, ect. however, if the wedding requires you to overnight, remember the couple is responsible for your accommodations. weather its in a hotel an hour away, a whole weekend party, or a destination wedding, or even staying at one of their relatives houses, they foot the bill on that for inviting you to be in their wedding. be careful of couples trying to milk as many gifts as possible from their guests. the couple should understand if you can only show up to the wedding, (with the economy the way it is and if your young and just out of college and can't afford to give expensive gifts or can't attend everything). if you can't afford to go to the wedding b/c of the destination, you can send a gift through the mail, or a card with cash.

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  Posted by Jenn Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:00pm PDT

  I am a newly wed (April 26th) and I did not spend a fortune on my wedding. We did not have an engagement party. I had a shower that my mother/maid of honors/bridesmaids threw for me and one thrown for me by the teachers I work with. I spent a year and a half researching all the vendors I chose and got AMAZING prices! We made the programs and the favors ourselves. I found gifts for the bridesmaids and groomsmen at discount prices. We registered at Bed Bath and Beyond and Target for items that were useful and not outrageous in price.

  We and all of our guests had the time of our lives and guess what, EVERYTHING for the wedding is paid off with money still in the savings account!

  I do agree that most couples go waay overboard with their plans, but a beautiful weddign can be had without breaking the bank.

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  Posted by kiersty74 Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:46pm PDT

  My husband and I eloped in Feb 2008. We are in the process of planning a reception because my mom wants to throw us a party. I say we, but I should say I, because I am doing all the work, and spending the majority of the money. All the stress and expense of this reception is why eloping was so perfect for us.. I think its wonderful that my mother wants to show us off and all, but seriously the stress of planning and paying makes some people(me, unfortunately) loose sight of the whole purpose of the party.I know it is going to be a fun night, but I cant wait for it to be over!! Thanks for letting me vent!!

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  Posted by Ria Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:05am PDT

  well for those who just plan to have one wedding (lol) have the right to do whatever fits into there budget, there are times when people usually endup spending much more den what she should actually have..and thats where the trouble starts..

  I plan to have a simple wedding too, but I know my parents have huge and xpensive plans for my wedding - and I just cant tell dem to hold on! dey'll endup creating a big emotional scene for me...

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