User post: Am I selfish for wanting to move out of my parents' house now when they need financial help?

From the Community…

• 
  Posted by Mrs. Carol B Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:36am PDT

  Hello dear,

  Since you all seem to be unemployed at the time doesn't it seem more like you are all helping each other if you stay together for awhile?

  I would think carefully about leaving just now.

  Consider this - help your parents getting settled in a house that's just a bit too small for you to stay with them very long. They'll appreciate the space when you've gotten a good job of your own and found your own place. I think it's a win-win situation. Just something for you to consider. Good luck in the job search and housing search, too.

  Carol

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Rebekah Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:39am PDT

  If your Mom says its fine with her, I'd take her at her word. If she knows that you won't be living with her much longer, then she and your stepdad might be able to find a smaller, less expensive place, which could help with their financial woes. However, since you're unemployed, don't count your chickens before they've hatched. You don't want to make a financial obligation that you can't meet and, in this economy, finding a high-paying job might be hard. Maybe you should consider apartment hunting before you go house hunting--if you get a short-term lease, you can always move back in with your parents if things do go the right way, or spend a little longer finding the right house if things go well.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Super Abuelita Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:47am PDT

  That's a hard one.

  I have daughters that I will open my house to if anything happens to me. Always.

  But, I am their mother, that is part of being a mother. I know what it is like to live with a daughter, that I couldn't see eye to eye on almost everything. She lived with me for 2 yrs. I'm not trying to guilt you, believe me.

  I, as a mother would not want to guilt any of my adult children into helping me.

  I raised independent women, and if that means doing for you first, I would want my daughters to do for themselves.

  Honestly, I would feel really weird to get help from my daughters. But, that's just me. And it's not because I don't need the help, because I do. But I do not want anything to come between the relationship we have worked so hard to get.

  Best to you!

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by another hockey fan Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:47am PDT

  Don't be stressed!! You are 25, not 18. Your mother raised you knowing you would leave the "nest" one day and just because the circumstances are not ideal, shouldn't change things. Your mother obviously understands this and besides, maybe if you get a really good job you can still afford to help her out. It's your time in life and you don't want to find yourself at 30 wishing you had left at 25.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by yaya Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:52am PDT

  I say go for it and move out on your own. Your mother can not blame you for wanting to be on your own at 25, my dad needs help too but I would never consider moving back in that house. I say don't feel bad about it, they are TWO grown people who should be able to figure out how to support themselves, WITHOUT your help. Trust me, there is NOTHING like living on your own. Its the best!!

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by snow bunny Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:58am PDT

  I agree with Carol B. Staying until they get settled won't take long. It sounds like you'll be second-guessing yourself, no matter what you do. So choose a way that benefits everyone.

  Good luck with the job-hunting! Snow***

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by CMeShine Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:01am PDT

  Thanks for your comments.....I saw a few that encourage me to move and others that encourage me to stick around until the economic situation gets better. My deadline is in 3 weeks, I just hope things will fall into place soon.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by hobbit Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:03am PDT

  Normally I would say go for it, but considering your lack of a job I advise you to think very hard about this decision.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Maria Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:06am PDT

  I am 28yrs old and I am married i have 3 children and we wanted to move out but my husband was the one that said that we should wait and give them about 6 months before we make that decision just so that we help them and so that we are able to save to buy the things we need before we move out. I think that you should wait and give yourself about 3 months after you find you job so that you are sure you can make it on your own

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by opiniononly Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:26am PDT

  Given that you are unemployed, I don't support your idea to move out now. Why add additional financial stress to your situation...and what type of housing will you find which will rent/sell to an unemployed person?

  I suggest you defer your plans. Stay where you are and stubbornly, consciously save money for yourself, but also consider contributing to your family's for a while also.

  Even though your mom says that she is okay with your leaving, the fact is that you stated you've moved out twice before...but are now back with her. That means that SHE was there for you when your circumstances required assistance. No parent wants to burden their child with feeling financially obligated to care for them, but I suspect your mom could really use the help.

  Now is the time to repay her kindness with kind actions of your own. You are not being selfish, but I do think you are not being financially wise regarding the impact moving now could have on your own financial stability.

  Report Abuse