Coping...and Children

Well, Marcia...I am a single Dad, living with, teaching, cooking for, keeping healthy, disciplining and loving to death three beautiful, energetic and spirited teens...my daughter BrieAnna, just 15; my son Correy, just 17; and my elder son Josiah, at 18.

I have been the sole caregiver since Josiah was born, and remained so through the births of the other two...on through their early school years, and after getting tired of my ex's attitude toward both me and the children after I was diagnosed with the Fibro in 1995, I divorced her, and the only thing I wanted of all our possessions were our children. So, essentially, it has been fulltime house maintenance and child rearing for the last 18 years....and that doesn't include my own hobbies, volunteer activities, starting and maintaining a business and working a second job besides.

I have no idea if all this is abnormal or normal for those like us who have fibromyalgia...all I DO KNOW, is that I could not have done anything in a positive light, with unending determination to "cope" or "endure" or even just get out of bed every morning if I did not have these incredible children as reasons for living life to the fullest possible...pain, suffering, lack of enthusiasm sometimes, bucketloads of stress notwithstanding.

I suffered tremendous resentment of the things that were slowly taken from me because of the fibro...a little of this, a little more of that, even effecting the ways and times I could rough-house and play with my babies. Through it all...the loss of my wife's affection, my business slowly being given over to my employees rather than doing the majority of work myself, the constant battle with disability and unending pain...through it all, there was ALWAYS the unrelenting NEED of three children that relied on me, needed me, and loved me beyond measure. They required me to be a preacher, a teacher, a cop and doctor, a psychic and bus driver,a team player, a cook, a busboy, a maid, a Mom...but mostly...they needed me to be their Father, their Dad. And that single need required me to find ways over, around or through that which tried to stop me cold in my tracks. It was that simple...there WAS NO CHOICE. My children needed me...and in the long run, I needed them just as much, to force me to find ways out of the depression, the self-loathing and loss of self-esteem...to escape the feelings of worthlessness by being, if it was the ONLY thing I could be...a truly GREAT Father.

My children became not my extra burden...but my way out of the Hell that overtakes so many of us...they became my God-send! I had no choice...I must carry on, and endure, and learn whatever I needed to learn to pace, and live, and cope and live...and live and love.

The greatest of all things I learned is that I can do all I need to do if I love unconditionally...and endlessly. And as long as I have the responsibility of taking care of these three kids of mine...and I earn their love and respect in return...then I have an undying circle of investment and return, effort and result, give and take.

If you need examples instead of just this little "overview" (he says grinning) , well, I can give 'em...item for item. But, I'll have to order takeout...we're gonna be here a while longer!!! LOL!! Do you understand what I've been trying to say?

It is so very hard to "maintain", while raising children...but, in the very same breath...it is so very easy. I even sit and wonder how I am to survive when all I have to do is worry about me, and my miniscule pains, after I have succeeded with these kids and sent them on their way, into their own lives, their futures? That will be when my life comes undone...but, only if I let it. We'll see.

Jim