The Joy of Control

   If you do not find yourself in control, you are out of control. It is normal for our lives to be in the hands of others and that starts with our parents and graduates to relatives, friends, schools, churches, and as we grow,a significant other. We become products of other peoples life styles, culture, and education. In many instances we lack to ability to break away and develope what should be the ultimate discovery, and that is the "self'"  We become carriers of  philosophies and habits that may or may not be what you really want to be. In fact, you may not even be aware that you exist as a seperate individual or have the potential to exceed far above what you precieve as "normal".
   It would not be a false statement to say most people seek Happiness. For some happiness is independence. In reality. There is no such thing as total independence. We depend on an employer to pay a paycheck. We depend on a property owner to build maintain the place where we live. A bank to finance our car or a gas station to get gas. We even depend on others to bury us. A forrest dweller is is by far more independent than we are.
   So how do we define happiness or avoid being unhappy, which seems to be more common? I have a test, if you have the guts to take it, Go take a shower and then before you get dressed, step in front of a mirror, don't appraise yourself, thats only physical. Look at yourself straight in the eye and ask yourself these three questions. "Am I where I want to be?" Yes or no answer only. Then ask yourself  "Have I accomplished what I want to do?" Yes or no only. Then, "Am I the person I want to be?" If you answered yes to all three, go elsewhere, for I have nothing to offer you. You are one happy person, right? The difference between the yes and no is unhappiness.
   I have been a control freak most of my life. Don't make a judgement yet!  I've taught martial arts almost 50 years. When a student is on the floor I take charge of everything. The width of their feet, the position of the hands, elbows, and knees. The alignment  of the entire body. The angle of the jawline, the direction of the eyes, and yes,even the breathing. And the body hasn't even moved yet. I control the movement of the body and even dictate the cadence in which it moves. But then comes a slight deviation. I turn the control over to the student and become only an observer. I watch them struggle and offer advice when needed. I don't dictate, but share. Nor be criticle but point out a more efficent, practicle way and explain the reason. The joy of control!
   Now the education. There are three distinct levels of martial arts. Only one is taught in this country. Sadly enough the lowest level is taught. Victory through combat. Teaching how to fight. Kicks, punches, and stylized forms are on the menue. I find it distasteful to teach people how to settle their conflict by combative methods, but I also see the value in it. It is just a tool for the students well being and survival. There is a higher level. Victory through diplomacy. If used properly, combat can be avoided. The highest form of martial atrs is not taught. Victory through stragitism. If combat is the first resort, then the student has failed as a true martial artist.
   The true meaning of Martial arts is how to stop conflict. There is internal and external conflict. The yin and yang. Taking responsibility of our decisions will ultimately determine how we live and give us the tools in which to avoid those distasteful situations we find ourselves. Many people complain about other people in their lives. They made the choice to put them there. They relinquished their power to another. To show complaints is so show lack of judgement. They created the situation and lack the tools to correct the results. Almost every problem we have, we created. If the reader would like  to take this further, we can discuss the concept "preditor and prey. Which are you?".