My Family and my Terminal cancer

From the Community…

• 
  Posted by Kitten Wed Oct 21, 2009 12:22pm PDT

  I am so sorry. You do whatever you damn well want to and if that means not going to the wedding, so be it. You have every right to be sad, and you can wallow in it, if you want to. No, you won't stay in that sad place, but for right now, you have ever right to visit.

  I hope the doctors are wrong and in ten years you're wondering what all the fuss was for. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Maria Wed Oct 21, 2009 12:37pm PDT

  Dear Heidiheidiho: I'm so sorry for the news you've received and the journey you are about to embark on. I can give the perspective of a daughter hearing her father has terminal cancer. (He has now passed...) I initially could not/did not want to believe it to be true. There had to be a mistake. I was in complete denial. I think your friends and family will need to take time to process this too. As far as the wedding; at this time in your life you deserve to do what is right for you. It is perfectly OK for you to take time to process this news ... it is NOT feeling sorry for yourself! (and if you cannot go for financial reasons, all the more reason to not go.) And BTW - you do have the right to feel sorry for yourself - but you will be experiencing many feelings along with self pity from time to time. Unhappiness - denial - acceptance - moments of joy and awareness - smiles, laughter, tears...and they're OK. (I saw my dad expressing these feelings.) People don't know what to say - and often say the wrong thing in hopes of helping. Can your doctor advise a good support group? Try to look beyond the comments at the heart of the person speaking - they mean well, but are not equipped to say the right thing. My hopes are that you get what you need over the months that are coming. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by heidiheidiho Wed Oct 21, 2009 12:57pm PDT

  Thank you kitten and maria. If I don't know how to be, how can I excpect my loved ones to know what to say or do? How selfish of me. I know I want to be strong for them, and I want to be a joy to be around, not a downer. I want all my remaining days that God gives me to be full of love and good things...I want to be real also.A good cry is sometimes needed. I don't want to be putting on an act. I guess just taking one day at a time is good. Thank you for your prayers and for lending your advice and support and comfort.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Silence*Tells*All Sun Oct 25, 2009 1:27am PDT

  I empathize with you-- I really do. My mother unfourtunately passed away from cancer this summer. All the time she had that "cancer doesn't have Me" attitude... unfortunately that wasn't enough.. however many women who also had cancer carried that same attitude and have survived WELL beyond what any "trained professional" has said. Bottom line--- DOCTORS ARE NOT GOD.... I want you to look up this poem it is called "cancer is limited".... tell me what you think.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Silence*Tells*All Sun Oct 25, 2009 1:27am PDT

  I empathize with you-- I really do. My mother unfourtunately passed away from cancer this summer. All the time she had that "cancer doesn't have Me" attitude... unfortunately that wasn't enough.. however many women who also had cancer carried that same attitude and have survived WELL beyond what any "trained professional" has said. Bottom line--- DOCTORS ARE NOT GOD.... I want you to look up this poem it is called "cancer is limited".... tell me what you think.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by heidiheidiho Mon Oct 26, 2009 3:11pm PDT

  Silence,I'm so sorry about your mom. Where would I find this poem you speak of? I would like to read it. Take care.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by nancy Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:36pm PDT

  Heidi,

  My hope is that amongst the sadness you are finding the spaces of peace that exist when looking down your path. We all will face this end result, some sooner, some later, some unexpected...some with much time to prepare. With that said I recommend you pick up the book, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying...every household should have one. Focus on the parts that resonate. I send you much love and good thought as you process the changes happening around you and your community.

  Report Abuse