There wasn't booze at the all-day family reunion I attended, but there was coffee and then gallons of diet soda and even a juice box or two. It wasn't the worst eating day in the history of my body, but it was certainly an indulgence.
I was left at 11 o'clock at night, crashing out on the empty calories and feeling real hunger for a substantial meal. I needed protein or salad without all the extra toppings. Maybe a glass of milk. My body was calling for something quick and healthy and better for me.
That's when the commercial came on. We all know that fast food advertisers are savvy and evil and prey on late night desperations and cravings like my own. We all know that it is best to just turn away from the Whopper (or McNuggets or or bucket of chicken or 6-inch reuben sub or whatever it is) when the bright light tries to lure you in from the dark of your lonely, starving living room. But this time, I wasn't inspired to eat. In fact, the commercial I saw made me angry and even a little sick to my stomach.
An ad for Burger King quieted my hunger and flared up my activism with one quick announcement of new kiddie meal offering on the menu: Fresh apples (hey, great). Sliced (well, why not?). In the shape of fries (what the --?).
There the fruit was, skinned and peeled and perfectly arranged in a box so near-identical to a French fry container, that only the apple graphic on the front revealed it from it's clever camouflage.
I screamed at the television. I couldn't help it. Why? Why? WHY?
Why must we turn our fruit into French fries? Is this to sneak them to our "unsuspecting" children who we "think" might gobble them up under the guise of beef lard (I mean, canola oil) yumminess? Who in the world thinks kids will fall for this? And what adult is using this as a mind-fooling tactic? Is this a gimmick just to set these apple-fries apart from McDonald's variety that is slices and bagged? Or is it a strange and bothersome attempt to mask healthy fare as fast food so we will, no matter our age, eat the junk?
If I take a moment to step back from pummeling my television with my Doritos bag, I can eek out a bit of optism. OK, so fast food restaurants are offering up some healthier options. Sure. Great. Fabulous. We need them. Salads and grilled meat and parfaits and fruit and bags of bitty carrots? I am down with all of these. Also, having a non-fry alternative to go with a meal when we can't bear the weight of another 230 to 600 calories for real fries is a very good thing.
But why then, do they have to look exactly like fries? Are we scared of apples? Do we hate fruit that much?
Is a Golden Delicious so disdained by BK customers that we have to dress it up in fast food drag for anyone to get excited and speed over to order one up at the drive-through at 11:04 after the commercial airs?
I don't eat fast food, and clearly, the poor little dolled-up apple-fries aren't going to change my mind about stopping in at a Burger King. I can say, however, that I think apples on the menu is a happy change for meals and especially for the kids who are eating there. I can even say I'd rather my kid eat apples with the side of caramel sauce they offer (which has ten more calories than the apples, by the way, but a lot less high fructose corn syrup) than fries.
I'd also rather he and the many children in this country who are challenged by malnutrition and obesity and hey, even me would learn that ordering up an apple isn't the worst thing in the world. That we can choose to have fries sometimes and be just fine. And that when we do order apples, we are smart enough to know they aren't anything like fries, and don't need to be to satisfy our hunger and our cravings and need for real, substantial food.
Speak loudly into the microphone: What do you think of BK offering your kids apples disguised as fries? Do you defend or disdain healthy fare in fast food restaurants?
