Healthy Living

Friday, November 27, 2009

Are rituals healing?

A Facebook friend
-- a man I met and knew for only a few days while traveling through Europe fifteen years ago and randomly found me online a few months ago -- sent me a message yesterday that was, probably like our rekindled friendship, perfectly timed.

He lives half-a-world away in a country where they do not speak my language. After continuing to travel for years, he made his home in a town of 200 people, where he now grows a garden and takes retreats from cell phones, television, and speaking to other people. I am just getting to know him (again, I suppose) and he strikes me as a very spiritual, very centered, evolving man. He seems to be someone who is choosing to be healthier, wiser, calmer. I like that.

His message came in the middle of a tough week for me. Just home from a great vacation, I found myself wading through some very challenging relationship issues. I asked my girlfriends to go to dinner with me, to talk things over with me and give me advice, to give me support that I thought only my closest friends could offer. And then came the message from the man who I've really only known for a matter of hours.

He asked how I've been and told me he was on one of his retreats, only communicating with people online. He said he took a break from his computer to light a bonfire in his backyard in honor of the dark moon and to celebrate the coming new moon and all the hope and light it brings.

To you, this might sound hokey. And I admit, I have never even heard of a "dark moon" before. But something about his message resonated with me.

Perhaps I needed to hear the bit about the new moon and the promise of new beginnings. Maybe I needed the reminder that rituals like these can move us through the toughest stuff, can help us quiet the anxiety or calm the tears or just be still.

We've exchanged several more emails and IMs since then, and he's explained why he does these monthly rituals and how it fuels him to turn off the noise of people and phones for a few days. I told him my life feels very noisy right now. He told me he thinks it is imperative to make your way through the noise so you can get to the quiet. He suggested I find a way to honor the new moon.

All of this spoke to me deeply and it made me wish I could light a big fire of my own. Since I live in a condo in a big city, this is really not a possibility. However, choosing to do something -- pray, meditate, burn sage, journal, practicing yoga, take a long walk or bubble bath, turn off my phone -- could be the ritual that helps me move through the noise and challenges to the quiet and calm.

I am not sure if rituals such as these have the same potency as prescription medication or even therapies like massage or acupuncture. But I do believe there is healing that comes from performing a ritual of your own with the intention of being a healthier, happier person. I think much can come from turning off your life for a moment or for a few days, just to tune in to yourself.

I've gotten a lot of wonderful advice and amazing support this week. This message about how I might honor my own new beginnings at this point in the moon cycle has risen up among all of it. I am not sure yet what my ritual will be, but I know I will find one, and I feel strongly it will help me move forward while my friend from another time and a country far away is busy re-emerging into his own life. I am hopeful I am not far behind.

Have you ever felt like a ritual helped you heal?


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From the Community…

Comments 1-7 of 7
  • mmk's Avatar
    Posted by mmk Thu Aug 20, 2009 5:26pm PDT

    I loved this post! I, too, am very big on rituals. They ground me during the insanity of my work week and provide great comfort. I actually think most people engage in rituals much more than they realize. Frequenting the same little pub for Happy Hour every Friday night with the same gang is a ritual. Sunday brunch at the local IHop after church...another rituaI.

    My own personal rituals are numerous and varied. I start each day with a jog before dawn and then sit outside as the sun comes up. This counts as exercise, of course, but it's much more than that. It's how I greet the day. At work during the week, I sit outside on the same bench at lunch and read while I eat my sandwich. This calms me down and relieves the stress of my job. Every Saturday and Sunday, my husband and I walk on the beach holding hands and catching up with our lives. And every Sunday night, we end the weekend by watching the sunset.

    In the midst of a very hectic life, I seek to live simply. My rituals are my way of slowing down to celebrate and remember who I am.

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  • Jessica Ashley, Shine staff's Avatar
    Posted by Jessica Ashley, Shine staff Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:57pm PDT

    Wow, mmk, you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing.

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  • Cranberry Lips's Avatar
    Posted by Cranberry Lips Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:18pm PDT

    There are many kinds of rituals, religious, non-religious, spiritual, non-spiritual, etc. There's good rituals and bad rituals. The difference between them is that the good rituals raise your body's vibratory rate, while the bad rituals lower it.

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  • Carrie's Avatar
    Posted by Carrie Fri Aug 21, 2009 7:50am PDT

    A ritual is something we sacrifice for something else. i am now on a fast,(not food) but you eliminate something like television or chatting for thirty days and replace it with something else. I decided to give up television and read more. I found quietness and peace in my own spirit. It has given me a better focus and has allowed my to go inside and recieve inner peace

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  • For Fun's Avatar
    Posted by For Fun Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:52am PDT

    I was raised to have a stronger sense of spirituality than religion and as far back as I can remember, rituals have been a part of that. The strongest for me is waking up in the morning, stretching, and saying good morning with a smile. I literally say good morning to myself, it's my way of acknowledging I matter. The next comes with walking outside and just as I take that first step from my door I smile and take a deep breath. There's something about feeling that air in my lungs that makes me feel connected to the world around me. When I am uber stressed I drive down to a nearby pary with a manmadde river. I dip my hands in until my forearms are wet, wet my earlobes and look out onto the water. I let myself listen to whatever comes to mind. I don't try to rationalize any of it or doubt the possibility of anything I want to happen actually happening. When I feel my chest a little lighter, another deep breath and I say out loud, "thank you." It makes all the difference.

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  • For Fun's Avatar
    Posted by For Fun Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:53am PDT

    *park not pary Lol

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  • Lizbeth's Avatar
    Posted by Lizbeth Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:05am PDT

    Yes, ritauls are tremndously healing and have been used since the begining of time to mark chapters in a persons life. Rites of Passage, the zoo every Sunday, how your family celebrates a holiday, brushing your teeth, a wedding, a Pagan spellcasting, Native American Drum Circles, they're all rituals and they all help us to bring shape and meaning and awareness to our lives.

    I created dozens of rituals (mostly borrowed from other world religions) during high school and college; it helped me to cope the stress and constant changes. Now, as an adult I'm more in tune with paying attention to the cycles of nature, the four seasons, the moon...they all have of way of offering insight about life and how things work and I've always found a comfort in that.

    There's a great movie/mini-series called Empire Falls which I found incredibly satisfying with regard to the natural process of all things; love, life, relationships, kharma and getting where we are meant to go; certaingly honoring our own path in life.

    Just my two cents. Always love the topics you take on :)

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